Whispers in the dark
by Spikesslayer8
Summary: Set end of season 2 goes off canon just before Becoming Part 1. When Spike finds he can walk again, he goes to Buffy to make a truce, coming together to put a stop to Angelus and Drusilla's plans but when Spike shows up at Buffy's house one night to talk
1. Chapter 1

Whispers in the dark.

Chapter one.

Unlikely hero.

The same pattern had been going on for the past four weeks now. Spike would wait for Angelus and Drusilla to leave for the evening before he too, would leave, still letting the other two souless vampires believe he was wheelchair bound.

It was the way he wanted to keep it.

He was excited about seeing her, which, was absurd in itself. He knew it was wrong feeling the way he did towards her, the Slayer and he was determined to hide these affections from everyone. It had all started when he had gone to Buffy and asked for the truce.

They had returned to the Summers house to work on a counter plan so they could to put a stop to Angelus and Drusilla's plans, whatever that might be. Spike didn't know much, he didn't ask too many questions if he could help it, he didn't want to raise any suspicion. But, despite that, he knew something was coming, something big and if they didn't find away to stop it now, it would end badly for everyone. After all, he enjoyed his happy meals on legs.

Buffy had her conditions, of course. No one was ever to find out that they were meeting, not her mother, not her friends, not even Giles. She had stressed that keeping her family and friend's safe was top priority; them knowing would make things worse, not to mention harder. It was also vital that Angelus and Drusilla knew nothing, any suspicion could blow everything.

So, they only ever met under the cover of darkness, behind closed doors or at her house. Buffy took particular care to make sure her mother was out on these occasions. She had also made a deal with Spike that he wasn't to feed on humans while they co-existed like they were. Truce or not, she wouldn't sit back and let him snack on the Sunnydale population. Spike reluctantly agreed, only feeding on animal blood. Every disgusting mouthful he took he had to remind himself that this was what he needed to save himself. At the start, he believed he was doing it to save his beloved Drusilla but he didn't believe that anymore.

Spike's feelings for Buffy had been changing for a while now; truth was he had always admired her power, strength and most of all, her determination. After spending all that time with her, it was becoming something more. He was in love with her, although he would never admit it, not even to himself. Denial is a strong emotion. Sure, he still loved Drusilla but it was painfully clear that now that Angelus was back in the picture, things were over between them. She openly flaunted that "Daddy" was her world and therefore, left no time for him. It had stung at first, bad, but the more time he spent with Buffy, the easier it was for him to accept.

He had been spending more and more time with Buffy lately and she always seemed to have a mug of warm blood waiting for him. He would tell her about Angelus and Drusilla's current activities and sometimes they would talk strategies. But sometimes they would just…talk. Talk about the pain this situation had caused them both, losing the people they loved the most and sometimes they would simply just talk about their day enjoying each other's company.

As Spike got out of his car and walked towards Buffy's house, he smiled at the memories.

Walking into her house via the back door, he didn't bother to knock anymore. Spike knew her mother would be at work for hours to come. On the nights it was arranged for him to come over, Buffy would make it clear to her friends she wanted time alone, so there was no chance of being caught.

Closing the back door quietly behind him, Spike took two steps into the kitchen before he abruptly stopped, his senses going into over drive.** 'Angelus'**, his mind screamed. His scent was everywhere, fresh. Spike heard a movement upstairs followed by a strangled sob. Angelus was still in the house.

Careful not to make any noise, Spike quickly moved up the stairs, hearing another sob tearing though Buffy's small frame. The sound, he realized, was coming from the bathroom, the door, wide open. He rushed to the door and the sight in front of him stopped him dead in his tracks.

There was Angelus, back to the door and grinning smugly down at Buffy, tugging his pants back on. Buffy was on the bathroom floor, bruised and broken, her grey bathrobe torn open and she was lying in a pool of her own blood. Spike's stomach twisted, his heart aching at the realization of what had happened moments before.

"So that's everything," Angelus snarled, bringing Spike out of his thoughts. "No weapons, no friends, no hope…. take all that away and what do you have?" he shifted into game face and Buffy cowered lower to the floor. She was truly a broken woman and Spike knew exactly what Angelus was intending to do and there was no way Spike was going to allow that to happen. She meant too much.

"Me!" Spike answered stepping swiftly behind Angelus. By the time Angelus had turned around to react to Spike's presence, Spike had the older vampire in his grasp, one hand on the back of his pants, the other on his bare shoulder and tossed him swiftly out the open bathroom window. The sound of breaking wood and glass shattering filled the room and Spike hoped a wooden splinter would put an end to his grandsire's miserable existence.

Spike took two steps forward, just in time to watch Angelus land shoulder first on the front lawn. Angelus quickly scrambled to his feet, glaring back up at the window Spike had thrown him though. He let out a small growl, which Spike returned, louder and more dominant. The message was clear. Come near her again and you're as good as dead. Angelus crouched and hissed before turning and fleeing. Off to tell Drusilla no doubt.

When Spike heard Buffy whimper his name however, he quickly snapped his attention back to her. The physical damage Angelus had done was a lot worse than he thought. He knew she needed to be looked at by a doctor and that he had to get her to a hospital, now.

"Oh my god," he whispered. It seemed the longer he looked, the worse her injuries seemed to become. "You're going to be okay luv," he reassured her, kneeling down beside her. She didn't try to move away, just stared up at him, mouth hanging open, and her green eyes full of terror. But, she wasn't scared of him.

"I'm just going to close you robe, okay?" Buffy didn't move and as gently as he could, he squatted beside her before proceeding to cover her badly bruised body with her robe.

"You're going to be okay," he murmured again.

"No I'm not." Buffy's eyes started to glisten with tears. "Nothing will be okay again." Sobs then took a hold of her small, fragile frame, her body violently shaking with the force of her tears.

"Luv, I have to get you to a hospital," he pushed with more urgency.

"No, no hospitals!" Buffy screamed, pulling herself into a tight ball, the fear clear in her voice. Spike could feel his own fear creeping in, but he knew he had to be strong for her, his beautiful slayer.

"I know you don't want to go luv. But there's a lot of damage here; real doctors need to look at you okay?" He paused and looked deep into her eyes. "Please," he whispered, his own tears were close, imagining the pain she could be in. Eventually he saw her nod and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm just going to pick you up, so I can carry you down to the car, can I do that?" Buffy nodded her head and Spike didn't hesitate to pick her up, cradling her to his chest. "We can get you some help, someone to make this pain go away," he murmured as he rushed down the stairs and out the back. He didn't think she was listening to him; she was sobbing again, her tears soaking though his shirt.

He could feel some of her blood soaking though her robe and onto his arms and his rage boiled as he raced out to his car. He was thankful he had decided to drive tonight, rather than come on foot like he usually did. He knew the quickest route to his car was out the back and over the fence. Without so much as moving her an inch, Spike opened the back door and sprung over the back fence to the side of his car. Spike gently placed Buffy into to the front seat of his Desoto before quickly darting around to the driver's side and sliding behind the wheel. He quickly glanced over at Buffy and noticed she had lost consciousness. He rammed the key into the ignition and floored the accelerator, determined that he would reach the hospital in record time.


	2. Counting on you

Chapter two.

Counting on you.

Spike hesitantly sat down on the edge of the bed tupon the edge of the bed on which Buffy now lay sleeping. hat Buffy was now laying in. She looked so peaceful, her breathing coming in deep and even breaths. The doctors had told him that he'd gotten to her just in time, sshe was badly injured and had lost a lot of blood. Spike had watched as the doctors had cleaned her wounds, a growl slipping from his lips when he saw it.

Spike felt his blood boil at the sight before him. There were two distinctive puncture marks on her neck;, it was clear that Angelus had feed off her.

He was going to kill him!

Spike had called Joyce as soon as he had arrived at the hospital., Sand she'd beenwas quick to arrive and he could hear, her voice frantically talking to Buffy's doctor.

Giles had, at first, thought it was some sort of trick to get him alone and out of the house when he received thea phone call about Buffy. But when Joyce snatched the phone out of Spike's hand and screamed down it that Buffy was indeed hurt and at the hospital he had left his house immediately.

Joyce had known for a while now that Buffy was the slayer. Angelus had showed up one night while Buffy was out with her friends and told Joyce everything. He'd told her about Buffy being the slayer, what a slayer was and how they had slept together. Joyce was shocked, to say the leastthe least, and was petrified when Angelus had attacked her.

Thankfully, Buffy had shown up just in time to pull Angelus off of her mother and toss him out the back door, slamming it in his growling face. Why she hadn't done a de-invite spell after that was beyond Spike.

After that incident, Joyce had a lot of question that needed answers. Buffy and Giles had sat down with Joyce and explained everything as best they could; she had struggled with the knowledge at first, but she soon learnedt to accept it.

Spike reached out to place his hand on top of Buffy's., Joyce had gone to get coffee a few minutes ago. Buffy looked so fragile, so small, he hated that Angelus had this power over her. He hated that Angelus had turned her from the strong and powerful woman she was into a scared child.

Spike felt his demon rage within him.

A silent tear slid down his cheek at the thought. He was going to make Angelus pay for this…. rRepeatedly!

He was knocked out of his thoughts when someone grabbed him from behind, pushing him up against the closest wall. Spike's demon surged forward and snarled in his attackers face, but he quickly calmed when he saw it was only Xander.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Xander yelled. Spike said nothing. "Tell me!" Xander roared, he could see Giles and Willow staring at him.

Joyce walked into the room, demanding to know what was going on when the sound of Buffy's soft voice made everyone stop what they were doing.

"Guys, please let go of him," she choked out, her throat was sore from Angelus's vice grip hands being around her neck during his attack on her.

"But Buffy…" Xander started, looking over his shoulder at her in confusion. The truth was Xander was no match for Spike. If Spike had wanted to, he would have had no problems removing the boy's hands from his body, but he understood Xander's anger, even if it was directed at the wrong vampire.

"He didn't do anything wrong. H-he saved my life….let him go."

Xander nodded and Xander reluctantly released his grip on Spike's duster, turning to face Buffy.

"Buffy, this is ridiculous! He's a vampire." Xander ranted, Buffy was not in the mood for one of Xander's moral high ground lectures and was quick to cut him off.

"I am well aware of what he is, Xander. I'm also well aware of that fact he could haveof very easily finished the job Angelus started but instead he got me to the hospital. He saved my life, so lay off!" she spat angrily, Xander quickly backed down.

"Buffy, I must ask, what is going on here? How did Spike get an invitation into your house in the first place?" Giles asked, stepping forward.

Buffy had been dreading that question, knowing she shouldn't have kept this from Giles. She was just trying to keep him safe;, she just hoped he understood that.

"Spike and I have been meeting in secret for about a month now. He's been feeding me information on Angelus and Drusilla's activities," Theire was a stunned silence in the room as Buffy continued to speak. "We've been trying to come up with a game plan. I know I should have told you guys but I was worried that if Angelus found out Spike was giving me information that he might go after one of you guys. He would have hurt you to find out what Spike had told us." Buffy explained.

"Buffy, what happened tonight?" Willow asked., Buffy felt tears well in her eyes as flashbacks of what had happened assaulted her mind.

"I can't…" she choked out., Spike could see that she was struggling and that her friends clearly wanted answers and thought it best to give her a breather from the topic.

"I actually have some real solid information, a demon named Acathla, ever heard of him?"

"Ah yes, why?" Giles asked.

"Well it seems that his tomb was un-earthed, Dru has been ranting all day about it. He has the power to suck the whole world into hell. They intended to steal his tomb from the museum tomorrow night., I suggest you get there first. You need to either get him far away from Sunnydale and Angelus or find some magical way to destroy him and his tomb. Or this is going to be bad for everyone."

Giles was very worried, he had heard of the powers Acathla possessed and if Spike was right and his tomb was indeed in Sunnydale he would definitely need help,. lLots of it.

"I need to go make a phone call," he said, quickly walking out the door as Willow took a few steps closer to Buffy.

"I have good news, Buffy. I-I found this next to Miss Calendars desk today," she passed Buffy the computer disc.

"What is it?" she asked, looking confused.

"The curse. It looks like Miss Calendar translated it before Angelus…. You know," she trailed off.

"This is good right? I mean we can curse him again," Cordelia said, speaking for the first time.

"And then what? We can all be best buds again? He killed Miss Calendar. He tried to kill Buffy," Xander raged.

"Xander, Angelus is going to pay for what he's done," Buffy said, her voice laced with anger. "But we're no match for him right now. I'm barley mobile and he's just had a massive dose of Slayer blood so Spike is no match for him either. This spell may be our only hope of stopping him.,"

"He fed from you?" Xander asked, clearly shocked. Buffy nodded and lowered her head.

"I'll kill him!" he hissed.

"Get in line," Spike growled, not being able to stop the words from slipping out. Xander looked at him, shock all over his face. Spike was meant to be a soulless vampire, yet he had saved Buffy's life tonight and possibly saved the world with the information that he'd just givenave Giles. Looking at him now. it was clear that he was enraged about what Angelus had done to Buffy.

Maybe, just maybe, Xander thought, he was wrong about Spike.

"I know Giles doesn't like me messing with magic b-but I think I can work this. I've been studying the text for most of the afternoon and I've got everything I need to make the spell work," Willow met Buffy's eyes. "It's up to you Buffy. What do you want to do?" Willow asked.

"Do it," Buffy said without hesitating. "Spike, Xander, go with her."

"Buffy…" Spike started but she quickly cut him off.

"You say Dru see's things coming. T-there is a possibility she could see this coming." Buffy met Spikes eyes. "I need you to protect them. Xander, back him up." Xander didn't fight or protest, he just simply nodded.

"They are so important to me. I'm counting on you to protect them," Buffy whispered to Spike, he nodded, turning to follow the group.

"Spike," he turned to face her.

"If he shows up and it looks like Willow can't finish the spell in time…. y-you need to kill him!"

"Consider it done, pet."

Buffy watched as Xander, Cordy, Willow and Oz all left with Spike following closely behind them. Her mother walked to her bed and took a seat beside her.

"Buffy, honey," she whispered,. "Do you think you can try telling me what happened tonight?" Buffy looked up at her mother with tears in her eyes.

"Mom I…" taking a shaky breath she nodded. Buffy knew she needed to tell someone, the events of what Angelus had done to her were eating her up inside.

"I didn't even hear him come into the house. I was running a bath when he attacked me from behind," she met her mothersmother's eyes. "He was so strong…I-I tried to fight him off but he hit… slammed my head on the bathtub. I-I don't… I just couldn't see right. I couldn't fight back…. Mommy, he raped me," she choked out as her body shook with the force of the tears. Joyce wrapped her arms around her body tightly, trying her best to sooth her.

Giles had been listening from the doorway and allowed the tears to slip down his cheeks. Buffy was never meant to be in this kind of situation. She was the slayer, she wasn't meant to be in hospital, broken and bruised after being raped. Giles heart broke hearing her sobs, he wanted more than anything to take her pain away but knew that only time was going to heal her wounds.


	3. Only Hope

_Chapter 3_

_Only hope._

Spike had just arrived at the Summer's resident per Joyce's request. It had been a month since that terrible night when he had found Buffy, bloody and beaten on the bathroom floor.

After seeing Buffy in the hospital, Giles had immediately called the Watcher's Council for their assistance in removing Acathla from Sunnydale. They had helped in finding a means to destroy him and, after a very complicated ritual was translated and completed, Acathla was no more.

Willow had finished the spell to re-ensoul Angel, thankfully without any interruptions. It was hours later that Spike confirmed that the spell had been successful. He had arrived at the mansion and found Drusilla wailing madly about how her Daddy was all gone and the Angel beast was back.

b ** *Flashback* **/b

i _Drusilla hissed at Spike as he entered the mansion, trying to slash his arm as he reached for her. She knew what he had done. _

_Spike smelled of the Slayer's tears and blood, and it was obvious to Dru that he had helped Buffy and her friends re-ensoul Angel._

_Grabbing the woman he had once loved completely by the arm, Spike forced Drusilla to her feet._

"_You have only one chance, Dru. Leave Sunnydale and don'__t come back or I promise you…" he growled. "I__'__ll be the one that puts a stake in your heart." He pushed her to the ground, disgusted by the sight of her._

"_My poor Spike," Dru sighed, running her hands through her hair. "All gon__e. You're all lost. She__'__s all around you…Sunshine." Dru's eyed narrowed as she met his eyes. "She will burn you all up, your pretty little Slayer. She makes you soft, makes you weak, makes you think you can be good." She let out a laugh. "But I know my prince." Dru stood, taking a few steps closer to Spike. "I made you. I know what you are," she whispered in his ear. "You__'__re a bad puppy!" Dru growled before giggling like a child gone mad._

"_I mean it, Dru." Spike growled, stepping back. "Leave now!" Before he could stop himself, he pulled out a stake out from inside his duster._

"_My poor Spike," Dru sighed. "Not even I can save you now. She's going to ruin you," she sobbed, before she started slowly backing away from Spike._

_Taking a deep breath, Spike put the stake back in his coat pocket, shaking his head _in disbelief. ib_"She's completely gone carrot top. Absolutely bonkers."/b _/i H_e couldn't help but think as he continued on, stepping into the next room._

_That__'__s where he found him, Angelus. He was cowering near the fire place sobbing and it was clear to Spike that he was no longer Angelus._

_The vampire before him was Angel._

_Spike b __**almost**__ /b felt sorry for him, he looked haunted, tormented by the things he had done as Angelus. When he heard him whimper Buffy__'__s name, he couldn't stop himself._

_Spike flew across the room in record speed and grabbed Angel by the shirt, yanking him to his feet, yelling, as he began his assault._

"_How dare you speak her name after what you did?" He hissed, bringing his fist down to smash into Angel's face. Angel made no attempt to defend himself, fuelling a rage building inside of Spike._

"_You are nothing! You don'__t deserve her. Who gave you the right to put your hands on her?" Spike yelled, his face red with rage._

_Spike wasn__'__t sure how many times he hit Angel but when he finally stopped his assault, the other vampire was unconscious. Spike wanted nothing more than to drive a stake right through Angel__'__s un-beating heart, but when he reached for his weapon, Buffy's words stopped him. _

_She had asked him, almost begged him, that if he found Angel's soul had been returned to not kill him. Spike was hesitant at first to do what Buffy was asking but when she explained that it was something she needed to deal with herself, Spike had understood._

_He had given her his word that he would not kill Angel._

_Dropping Angel to the ground, Spike looked down at his beaten and bloody face in disgust. He couldn't__believe that this was the same man he had once wanted to be like, had once admired. Angel looked so weak and broken, and the memory of what he had done to Buffy made him sick to his stomach._

_With one last glance, Spike turned to leave. He had kept his word; he had left Angel alive…_

_Barely…_

_But still alive. _/i

b ***End of flashback* **b

Spike took one last drag of his cigarette before dropping it onto the front porch and stubbing it out with his boot. He raised his fist to knock on the front door and didn't have to wait long before Joyce opened it with a smile.

"Spike, I see Giles delivered my message to you." She smiled, he simply nodded.

"Did he give you the cell phone I got for you?"

"Yes, but it wasn't necessary for you to go to all that trouble. I'm never far away," he informed her.

"Well, when I realized that you had moved out of the mansion I thought it would be best ifwe have a way of contacting you and Giles agreed." Joyce explained. "Come in." She smiled and stepped aside so he could walk past the threshold and into the house. Closing the door behind him, Spike turned to face Joyce.

"I couldn't stay in the mansion with him anymore, not after…. honestly it was getting harder and harder to keep my word to Buffy."

"Of course," she whispered. Joyce hadn't seen Angel but she knew that he had approached Giles at least once.

Giles had refrained from killing the vampire but only because Buffy had asked him to, he had told Angel to leave and to never come near him or his Slayer again. He wasn't going to be held accountable for his actions.

"The way I hear it, you barely left him alive after your last….encounter."

"I wanted to kill him. If it wasn't for Buffy I would have."

"I understand why you had to leave the mansion."

"Yeah, well I couldn't stand him brooding and whining for a moment longer." Spike said, smiling, desperately trying to lighten the mood. It worked because Joyce laughed softly.

"I'm making hot cocoa, could I tempt you?" She offered as she headed for the kitchen. Spike was hot on her heels as he eagerly followed.

"Please." He replied, taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

"Marshmallow?" Joyce asked, not bothering to turn around. If she had, she would have seen Spike's face light up like a small excited child.

"Yes, please," he replied eagerly, watching Joyce as she turned around, two cups in her hands. She gently placed both drinks on the counter top and took a seat across from Spike.

"So where are you staying now? If you don't mind me asking." She spoke, after having a few sips of her warm drink.

"A small crypt in a cemetery not far from here," he informed her. "Is Buffy not home tonight?" Spike asked, taking notice of the fact that he couldn't hear anyone else in the house.

"No. She's at the library with Giles training. She decided to return to her patrolling," she informed him.

"That was quick." Spike said. He was a little shocked. He had taken over Buffy's patrolling duties, to everyone's surprise, and let her know that he was going to keep the Hellmouth safe until she felt ready to return to her slayer responsibilities.

"Well the supernatural counsellor Giles has had her seeing says that she is doing much better." Joyce replied. Spike noticed that she sounded far from convinced.

"You don't agree?"

She looked up at Spike, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Buffy is a very capable and strong young woman but she was raped and almost killed by someone she trusted and loved," Joyce let out a deep breath. "It takes more than one month to get past that… I hear her atnight crying, tossing and turning and even screaming in fear…. She has nightmares of what happened that night. She's so lost, Spike," Joyce met his eyes. "It takes me hours to calm her down. But one thing every night is always the same… you"

Spike looked up shocked."Me?" he asked, confused.

"She cries for you," Joyce whispered softly. "Begs me to go find you. I went to the mansion a few nights ago," she let out a sigh. "Thankfully Angel was out, and I realized you had moved. I asked Giles to give you the cell phone…. I don't know if it's because you were the one who saved her that night, or if it's simply because over the past couple of months Buffy has grown close and dependent on you, but what I do know is that, " Joyce met his gaze, "she needs you. If she has any chance of getting through this… you may be her only hope." Tears were streaming down her checks as Spike laid a supportive hand on hers.

"What do you need me to do?" Spike asked. He would do anything for the Summer's women, he was thrown at times by how much he cared and worried for them both.

"I want you to move in with us." Joyce blurted out abruptly.

"Joyce, I understand you're worried about Buffy but you don't want me living in your house. I'm a vampire… an evil vampire. I have no soul!"

"Of course, I forgot."

"You shouldn't." Spike replied, standing and making an attempt to leave. Joyce's next question stopped him dead in his tracks.

"How long has it been…since you fed off a human?"

He spun around to face her.

"That's different! It was part of the deal I made with Buffy," he replied, sitting back down.

"Right… but the deal is over isn't it? I mean, you have stopped Angelus and Drusilla…they're no longer a threat. Sunnydale is safe again and yet you still haven't gone back to feeding off humans…why?"

"I just…. I haven't…." Spike didn't have an answer. The truth was he hadn't felt the need to go back to feeding off of humans, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. Animal blood wasn't that great tasting but he had found ways to make it more appealing by adding cinnamon or spices, he had even grown to like it. Spike wasn't sure if he even wanted to return to feeding off of humans, not after how close he and Buffy had become. He knew if he did that his…relationship, friendship, whatever it was he had with Buffy, would be over in an instant and they would be back to being mortal enemies. The thought scared him more than he cared to admit.

"You haven't even thought about it, have you?" Joyce asked, slightly shocked. While she knew Spike didn't want to ruin what he had with Buffy by returning to feeding off humans, she didn't think that the thought hadn't even crossed his mind…. ib _"Oh yeah he'__s real evil,"/b___/i she couldn't help but think sarcastically.

"Answer one more question for me. What are some of the evil deeds that you've done lately?" She asked, watching as Spike sat opposite her, stunned in silence.

Joyce really had him stumped, he couldn't think of a one thing. ib _"Oh yeah I'__m really scary. The Slayer really has you whipped. Snap out of it!" /b_/i his mind yelled at him but he knew it was too late for that.

"Was it when you saved my daughter from Angelus instead of joining in? ....or when you rushed her to the hospital instead of finishing the job he started? ....or when you swore to watch over the Hellmouth until she was ready to return to her duties?" Spike just looked down at his cup of cocoa. What could he say? She had him trapped.

"I still don't know if it's a good idea," he whispered weakly.

"Why? Because you might hurt us, kill us? Would you try to kill me?"

"No, of course not, but…"

"Would you kill Buffy?"

"There was a time when I would have killed Buffy without hesitation."

"You won' the time I've known you, you have never lied to me or tried to hide what you really are or what your intentions are, whether they're good or bad. Can you look me in the eyes and honestly say to me that, if you had the chance, that you would hurt Buffy?" Spike stopped for a moment, she was right, he couldn't kill Buffy, he couldn't even hurt her feelings. He loved the girl; Dru was right, no one could save him now. He looked up at Joyce but said nothing.

"I didn't think so."

"Have you discussed this with Buffy?"

"No, I was hoping that was something we could do together." Joyce replied, and, as if on cue, Buffy walked into the Summer's house and into the kitchen with Giles in tow.

Buffy stopped when she saw Spike sitting at the kitchen counter with her mother. It had been about a week since she had last seen him and a part of her felt like he had been avoiding her. She knew that he stopped by Giles' place or the school library every night to give a quick report on how patrolling went before heading home, but she hadn't been in those places much.

Buffy felt her skin go hot at the sight of him. Even before the events with Angelus, her feelings for Spike had started to change. Now, after everything he had done for her and her friends, she couldn't help but find herself falling even harder.

"Spike? What are you doing here?" She asked, smiling.

Spike smiled back. He could get lost in her smile.

"I asked him over. I needed to discuss something with him." Joyce said.

"Like what?" Buffy asked, slightly confused.

Giles knew what Joyce was talking about and thought it best to leave the matter between the three of them.

"Well, I should leave you all to it. Spike, have you patrolled yet?"

"No, but I'm heading out soon."

"Perhaps you could take Buffy with you if she's feeling up to it."

"Sure."

"Well, goodnight all." Giles said, making a quick exit.

Buffy sat on the stool next to Spike, smiling briefly at him.

When he felt he bare leg brush up against him, Spike couldn't help but close his eyes, Buffy looked at her mother in question.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I've asked Spike to move in with us. It would only be temporary until you're feeling more…yourself."

At first Buffy wasn't sure how she felt, but the more she thought about it the more she liked the idea of having Spike live with her.

"Okay."

"Love, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, it's cool." Shegrinned realizing she was excited at the thought of having Spike living with her.

"Okay, I'll move my stuff in tonight then but first I should go patrol. You feeling up to it pet?" Buffy loved it when he used his pet names on her; it sent shivers all through her body.

"Yeah, let's go." Buffy looked at him softly, bouncing to her feet before kissing her mother softly on the check.

Joyce watched as the pair headed into the night together, smiling at the turn of events. She hadn't seen Buffy so happy in weeks and while she knew that the relationship between the two could potentially turn into something deeper, she couldn't help but smile at the way things had turned out.


	4. Shades of grey

**Chapter four**

**Shades of grey.**

It had been a month since Spike had moved into the Summer's house, and Buffy had returned to her duties as the slayer. They had settled into a comfortable routine together, but tonight Spike had other plans. Buffy hadn't been spending much time with her friends lately, and he thought it best she spend an evening relaxing and catching up.

Buffy was hesitant at first. For the past two months, she had been avoiding her friends, aside from seeing them at school on a weekly day to day basis, Buffy had become quite anti-social.

Her friends had discovered, after they all nagged the truth from Giles, what Angelus had done to her. After Achthla had been destroyed and Angel's soul had been returned, Giles took the group aside and explained what had really happened that night.

Buffy had confessed to Spike that she was afraid her friends would look at her differently, like she was damaged and fragile. The slayer part of her just couldn't stand the thought…. The truth was, no part of her could.

Spike had understood, sitting down with her and explaining that she couldn't continue to hide behind closed doors. If her friends did as she feared then she needed to be the woman he knew she was and set them straight. Buffy smiled, Spike had become her rock, her strength. Somehow amongst all the pain, fear and chaos, something beautiful had happened…. A close bond and friendship had formed as well as a love she feared but desperately hoped Spike would one day return.

She had agreed to go with her fiends to the Bronze for the evening on the condition that Spike joined her. Spike was unsure at first but had agreed to join them after doing a quick sweep of the cemetery.

Buffy was sitting at one of the many tables at the Bronze, sipping her frosty nectar drink when she let out a deep breath. She was finally out and having fun, giggling to herself when she glanced over at her friends dancing to the beat of the music.

She stood from her chair and made her way towards the bar, when she saw her best friend, Willow, bounce off the dance floor and make her way through the crowd towards her.

"Are you having a good time, Buffy?" Willow smiled, bouncing slightly.

"I'm actually having a great time. I'll have to thank Spike when he gets here for forcing me to come."

They had been at the Bronze for an hour and in that time they had all talked, danced, laughed and caught up with each other. The most important thing to Buffy was that no one had looked or treated her any differently.

"Right, Spike… how's that going by the way?" Willow asked, one eyebrow raised in question. Buffy met her gaze, slightly confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Is there sparkage?" Buffy let out a laugh, shaking her head.

"Will, it's Spike. He's a vampire."

"I know that, he's also a man, a hot man I might add. Don't tell me you haven't noticed that?" Buffy almost laughed out loud at her friend's boldness, it wasn't like Willow to be so bold.

"Willow!" She gasped, shocked. "Who are you and what have you done with my shy and quiet best friend?" she continued.

"Sorry… don't tell Oz, okay." Buffy smiled, shaking her head once again.

"I know that he's a vampire but can you really call him evil?" Buffy was silent, unsure what to say. How could she possibly answer that question? It was true, Spike had tried to kill both her and her friends on more than one occasion but something had always been different about Spike.

He had loved without a soul for over a hundred years, loved Drusilla even though he knew she could never truly love him back. Spike had been loyal to her, looked after her and cared for her. He had saved her life even after she had repeatedly cheated on him with Angelus and countless others.

He had saved Buffy's life, saved her from the grasps of Angelus, kept her friends and her family safe while she was in hospital, kept Sunnydale safe while she healed. Spike was unlike any other vampire she had ever met. He held her at night when she woke, screaming and crying in fear and pain….

Was he really evil?

Her head became dizzy with all the thoughts rushing around her mind. Buffy met Willows gaze with a blank stare, she had no answer to her question. With a small shrug and a desperate small smile, Buffy hoped Willow wasn't going to push the subject.

"I'm going to get a refill, you want one?"

"I'm good," she replied.

"I'll be right back." Buffy said, quickly heading for the bar.

Willow sighed in defeat, Buffy had avoided answering her question. She would let it go for now, the last thing she wanted to do was put Buffy in an uncomfortable situation, especially when they were all having so much fun. With a smile on her face, Willow made her way back onto the dance floor and into the arms of her boyfriend, Oz.

Buffy stood at the bar patiently waiting for her drink, once she had paid the bar tender she turned around intent on joining her friends on the dance floor when she was stopped dead in her tracks. She felt fear flood through her whole body at the person who stood right in front of her.

Her drink slipped from her grasp, Buffy didn't even realize she had dropped it until she felt the icy cold liquid splash on her sandals and feet but still she was unable to will herself to move.

She was frozen, rooted in the one spot unable to move or speak. Her mind was screaming at her to do something, anything. Buffy felt her eyes glaze over as she scanned the club for her friends or anyone familiar but she saw no one…

She was alone, just like she had been that night.

Her whole body was hot with fear and panic and she hated it more than anything. She was the slayer, she shouldn't feel like this and she hated that he had this power over her.

"Buffy," he finally spoke, his voice was soft and loving and it only seemed to fuel the anger growing within her.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, her voice angry and shaky and by the way he had flinched it was clear that he knew she didn't want to see him.

"I've been coming here every night for the past month, hoping I would see you."

"Why?"

"I wanted to explain…" Buffy was quick to stop him.

"I need to get back to my friends." She said, moving past him as quickly as she could, praying that she would make it to the safety of her friends before he could make an attempt to stop her. Her prays fell on deaf ears.

Buffy made it to the stairs that blocked her view of her friends before he blocked her path, effectively cutting her off from her friends.

"Buffy, please I just want to explain." He pleaded.

"Explain what? You raped and almost killed me. You really have words to explain that? Cause I don't." She replied, raising her voice feeling anger and rage boil through her. Slowly she felt the fear and the sadness that had been consuming her for the past couple of months start to force itself to the surface.

"I'm sorry…. But please, I need you to try to understand. I didn't have a soul, I couldn't control what Angelus did…. But I am so sorry for what he put you through."

"You talk about him as if you're two completely different people." Buffy said, shaking her head as her brow creased in confusion.

"We are…. You used to be able to make that distinction," Angel whispered, clearly hurt.

"I don't know if I can anymore. I used to be able to draw a line between you and Angelus but now…" she sighed, trying to find the right words. "That line is just so blurred… Spike loved Drusilla for over a hundred years without a soul but you…" she took a shaky breath. "You couldn't love me when you lost yours." She said, finally looking him in the eyes

"Spike was obsessed with Drusilla…that's not love, Buffy."

"No, he would have done anything for her, killed for her, died for her. Spike would have done whatever it took so she didn't have to feel a single ounce of pain… That's love Angel, not obsession." She corrected him, getting madder by the moment.

_i "__How dare he! Acting like he truly knows Spike and how he really felt for Drusilla. How dare he judge Spike after what he just put me through.__" /i_ Her mind screamed.

"Spike didn't have a soul when he pulled you away from me that night. He didn't have a soul when he rushed me to the hospital, which by the way saved my life! Spike didn't have a soul when he took over patrolling for me so my body and mind had time to heal from what you did to me!" Buffy all but yelled, taking a much needed deep breath.

"Everything use to be so simple, black and white. Now everywhere I look I keep seeing shades of grey… I know you want me to draw a line between you and Angelus but… I can't." The last of her words came out in a mere whisper but it was still loud enough for Angels vampire hearing to pick up.

He looked so hurt and a part of her almost felt sorry for him but the memory of that night and what he had done to her pushed any feelings of guilt from her body.

"I can't do this, you need to leave me alone." Buffy sighed, making an attempt to move pass him and to get to her friends but when he clutched her arm to stop her from leaving, Buffy couldn't stop herself from pulling her arm from his grasp.

She remember not to long ago to a time where she would long for his touch. Her skin would hum but now her blood ran cold, her heart rate sky rocketed and she shuddered all over at the feel of his skin on hers.

"Touch me again and I will kill you," she hissed.

"You heard the lady, peaches," Spike's smug voice said. "Why don't you just shove off." It was more of a command than question and Buffy spun around at the sound of Spikes voice, relief flooding through her.

"Spike," she whispered almost lovingly as he took a protective stance beside her.

"You okay, luv?" he asked, touching her hair gently.

"I am now," she whispered, taking a deep breath before looking into Angel's eyes, willing herself to have the courage she needed to say what needed to be said.

"I know your sorry for what happened and that you want forgiveness but I can't give that to you right now… I need time to heal, to move past what you did to me and until that day comes… you need to stay away from me." Buffy bravely informed him, moving past him and over to her friends.

This time he made no move to stop her, he only looked up at Spike.

"If you hurt her ill kill you," Angel warned. Spike stopped himself from making a smart comment back like he normally would. He understand Angel's warning, he was after all still technically a soulless vampire.

"If I wanted her dead I would have let her bleed out on the bathroom floor that night."

"Why are you helping her?"

_i "__Because I__'__m in love with her,__" /i_ his mind answered, but he figured that was better left unsaid.

"Someone has too right?" he replied instead.

"I don't know how to fix this," Angel whispered, looking down, ashamed.

"You can't." Angel's head shot up, his eyes starting to glaze over with unshed tears, he looked so weak and vulnerable that Spike felt a little sorry for him… but only a little "All you can do is give her what she needs. It's not about you, it's about her and what she needs…. Time." Angel simply nodded before walking past Spike and out of the club.

With a sigh he headed over to where Buffy and her friends were now talking. He could hear them asking her a thousand questions about Angel and what he had said to her but mostly he could hear them apologizing for not coming to her aid.

"I'm so sorry Buffy, we didn't even see him come in." Willow said, her eyes pleading for forgiveness.

Spike was angry with himself, he had talked her into coming here tonight, reassured her she would be safe with her friends and when he had seen her cornered by Angel she had looked so terrified and alone. His eyes narrowed as he stormed over to them, they all looked up at his clearly angry face.

"And where in the bloody hell were all of you? You were meant to be looking after her, keeping her safe and I show up and find that Angel has her cornered and you're all dancing. What were you thinking?" he growled.

"We didn't see him." Xander said meekly, he had learnt over the past two months that if Spike was mad it was best to let him get it out of his system.

"Clearly…" he was about to continue when Buffy stopped him.

"Hey, I'm not a child that needs sitting, Spike. I'm a grown woman, a slayer…"

"I know, I'm sorry luv, but you just looked so…scared."

"I was but as you said, I can't hide behind closed doors. I've got to face my demons." Taking a deep breath, he realized she was right.

"Your right, I'm sorry." The gang just smiled.

"Can you drive me home?" Buffy asked, smiling up at him.

"Buffy are you sure? You've only been here an hour." Willow almost whined.

"I'm sorry, Will but I'm all partied out. Maybe another night?" They all smiled, saying their goodbyes as Buffy and Spike headed out into the night air.

"You want to talk about it, luv?"

"I was having such a good night and he ruined it. It makes me so mad that his presence can do that." She said, shaking her head as her eyes welled up in tears. Spike stopped and turned to face her, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Hey, its not always going to be like this. There will come a day when you can go out without having to worry about him showing up and ruining it for you. Even if he does show up it won't ruin it for you, you won't be afraid of him anymore. There will be a time, luv, when the nightmares will stop and it will all just be a distant memory, where you can put it all behind you and love someone again, trust them completely." Buffy's tears fells as she listened to his words, taking them in.

"Promise?" her voice begged.

"I promise."

Buffy smiled and let out a silent prayer that he was right. Spike smiled and wiped the tears from her checks, praying that when she finally did start to love and trust again that he would be the man her affections went to. He wanted to be the man she could love completely.

With a small smile on her face, Buffy turned and started to walk home, Spike not to far behind her, a matching smile on his face.


	5. Stay here with me

_Chapter 5_

_Stay here with me_

Spike settled comfortably in his bed, sighing contently as his body begun to relax. It had been a long night after Angel's appearance at the Bronze. He had walked Buffy home but after she confessed to not being tired, they had stayed up for hours eating Ben and Jerry's while watching boring chick flicks.

Buffy had fallen asleep some time later, her head on his shoulder as she quietly snored. It wasn't until he was sure that she was in a deep sleep that he carried her into her room and laid her in bed. He had gone to take a shower before heading to bed himself, closing his eyes as his body finally relaxed. Spike almost jumped out of his skin at the blood curdling scream that echoed through the Summer's house.

Jumping out of bed and racing across the hall he was thankful for two things, one, that Joyce was out of town for the week and two, that he had decided to sleep in his boxes for a change instead of sleeping naked like he usually did.

He ran into Buffy's room and watched as she tossed and turned under the covers. Imminently he knew what was happening, having seen it a hundred times before.

Over the past week the nightmares had been coming less and less.

Moving across her room, he grasped her shoulders and tried to shake her from her nightmare.

"Buffy luv, wake up." He pleaded, shaking her gently. Buffy's eyes shot open, filled with fear and shinning with tears.

"Spike," she whispered, clearly confused.

"I'm here."

She let her tears fall as she had many nights before, laying her face on his chest as he rocked her gently.

"Your okay, luv. I'm not going to let anything happen to you ever again, you just let it out… I'm here, I'll catch you… I promise I'll always be here to catch you." He whispered gently as he ran his hands through her hair trying to calm her.

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours before her breathing calmed and she started to lie down.

"You get some rest now." Spike whispered as he stood from the bed and made his way towards the door. Buffy sat up, her gentle plea stopping Spike at the door.

"Spike would you…" She took a breath. "Would you stay here?" He turned to face her, certain he had heard wrong but from the look on her face, he knew he hadn't.

Surveying the room, Spike knew he was going to be camping on the floor. _**"Oh well.**__**" **_he thought. _**"**__**I**__**'**__**ve slept on worse.**__**"**_

"Sure," he nodded. "I'll just grab a pillow and blanket from my room to make the floor a bit more comfortable."

"No… I mean… here." She whispered as she moved over and pulled the covers back. With a hesitant hand, Buffy placed it on the bed next to her, indicating that's where she wanted him. Spike looked stunned and uncertain of what to stay, he had fallen asleep in her bed before but this time was different.

This time he was only in his boxes.

He always fell asleep on top of the covers and generally would return to his own room before she woke up. This changed everything. She was asking him to stay.

Buffy had never done that before tonight, he was sure if his heart could beat it would have exploded right out of his chest.

"Would you just hold me?" she asked, looking scared and unsure.

Buffy's heart was racing. Would he say no? Laugh at her request?

When he nodded his head 'yes', Buffy almost sighed in relief.

He moved back across the room, slipping under the covers and held an unnecessary breath when she curled up next to him. Buffy laid her head on his chest and smiled to herself as Spike wrapped his arms around her.

She had never felt as safe as she had in that moment. With Spike's arms around her she felt like nothing in the world could touch her or hurt her. Sighing contently, Buffy closed her eyes.

It felt so right there with him, so real, more real than anything she had ever experienced before. With a deep sigh, she just hoped that one day she could tell him that. Letting her body sink further into his arms, Buffy finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

Spike had been laying there for an hour watching her. Buffy was still asleep in his arms, her brows coming together every now and then, obviously in the middle of a dream. It was dark in the room and he knew it was at least 7am. Joyce had been kind enough to fit the house with thick dark drapes so Spike could move around the house during the day time.

He heard Buffy make a noise and glanced down, watching as she began to stir and thinking on whether he should leave the room before she woke up. But no matter how much he told himself he should leave, he couldn't bring himself to go.

Her eyes started to flutter open as she smiled gently at him, she looked so beautiful. Her blonde hair was a tussled mess, wild and untamed, her face void of any make up and her skin bare, aside from the white singlet and matching panties that were hugging her hips. Seeing the lacy material poking out just above the covers, he slowly brought the covers up to fully cover her, shielding her from his gaze.

Buffy let out a little giggle, knowing he was embarrassed but she couldn't stop the butterfly's that fluttered in her tummy.

"Morning," she whispered.

"Morning, luv. You feeling any better this morning?"

"Yeah, I am. I actually thought the nightmares were going to stop, I guess seeing him…"

"It understandable that it would bring everything up again, did you sleep better?"

"Yeah, I slept great." Buffy smiled. "I can't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep. You'll have to sleep in here more often," she laughed softly, causing her body to move against his. Spike groaned at the fell of her, growing hard at the thought of having her wrapped in his arms night after night. Shocked at his reaction he all but jumped out of the bed.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, shocked.

"I'm fine. I thought I could make us breakfast."

"Spike, you don't eat food, vampire remember?" She smiled, sliding out of bed and coming to stand in front of him in only her singlet and panties, making no move to cover herself. Spike closed his eyes, turning away as Buffy smiled. _**"**__**Always the gentleman. Who would of thought**__?__"__ S_he couldn't help but think, shaking her head and grabbing her dressing gown from the bed side table and wrapping it around her body.

"You can turn back around now if you want."

Spike slowly turned back to face her and was relieved to find her covered, how could she do that to him? Was she trying to kill him? The sight of her standing in front of him with barley a stitch on was enough to drive any man crazy, she was a goddess.

"I may not need to eat food but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it occasionally, so pancakes?" he asked deciding it was best to stay on topic.

"That would be great." She smiled watching Spike walk towards her door, desperately needing to put some distance between them.

"Spike," he turned to face her. "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked, slowly walking back over to her.

"For last night and all the nights before that… for saving my life, getting me to the hospital in time, for keeping my friends and family safe," she met his eyes. "For helping them to re-ensoul Angel, for taking over my slayer duties, for everything… I never got around to saying it and I should have of ages ago." With shaky hands she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Spike in a hug. "Thank you."

"It was nothing, luv." Spike whispered, staring down at the woman hugging him.

"It was everything, you gave up so much for me to save my life. You turned your back on your nature, stopped killing people because you knew I wanted you too, Drusilla…"

"I couldn't be with her, luv. Not after what she helped Angelus do. It makes me sick."

Buffy stepped out of his embrace and raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you? You know you're a vampire right?" Buffy asked, stunned but laughing slightly, trying to keep the conversation light.

"We have a choice, Buffy, everybody does, even demons," he met her eyes. "It's just easier to be evil. Even at my worst there are things that I would never do and that was one of them, I look back now on the things I have done and… I don't want to be a monster."

"Your not…"

"Buffy, the things I have done…"

"Done. As in it's in the past. You can't change what's already done but you can try to make amends and you are. You started with saving my life, I owe you so much."

"You owe me nothing, Buffy."

"Your wrong," She met his eyes. "You've done so much, given so much, lost so much… How can I ever repay you?"

"Buffy, I didn't do what I did so I could get something in return. I did it because I wanted to. Because you were worth it," he whispered.

Buffy felt tears rim her eyes and her heart hammer in her chest at his confession. Did this mean he had feelings for her? Taking a deep breath she looked up into his blue eyes, wanting so desperately to kiss him but terrified she would scare him off.

"What you did for me that night and every night since…" She leant up and placed a soft kiss on his lips, not daring to deepen it as she stepped back. "I won't forget it." She whispered, moving past him and down stairs.

Spike was stunned, she had just kissed him, Buffy Summers the woman of his dreams had just kissed him. He couldn't move the feel of her soft warm lips on his where still with him. Did this mean she had feelings for him? Feelings beyond loathing and disgust?

No, no it was a thank you kiss nothing more. Shaking his head he knew that Buffy, the woman he loved with everything in him could never love him, he was beneath her. With a sigh he pushed the thoughts from his mind and walked across the hall to get dressed.


	6. Goodbye

_Chapter 6_

_Goodbye_

Buffy and Spike walked down the main street of Sunnydale holding many shopping bags. It was three weeks before Christmas and Buffy had almost everything done. She had gotten gifts for Willow, Xander, her mom, and Giles. Now the only person left to shop for was Spike. Buffy knew what she wanted to get him but she wanted it to be a surprise so she knew she would have to come back later without him.

Things had been slowly getting back to normal in her life. Buffy went out with her friends regularly even though she always insisted that Spike accompany her. She was still seeing the supernatural therapist and she was surprised that it was actually helping her deal with everything. Her mother had returned to work full time (after Buffy was raped her mother cut back her time at work dramatically) but now six months later Buffy had insisted she return to work as the gallery needed Joyce and Buffy felt she was finally starting to cope.

Buffy had seen Angel a few times since that night at the Bronze; purely by accident mostly when walking down the main street in of Sunnydale or in one of the cemeteries but every time she had been with Spike. That hadn't helped much in easing her discomfort. Buffy sighed deeply thinking about it looking up when she heard Spike talk.

"What?" she asked confused completely missing what he said, then looked in the direction Spike was looking in and she saw the object of her thoughts stopping right in front of her, clearly as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

"Angel," she whispered.

"Buffy," he replied shocked at seeing her, "Christmas shopping?"

"Yeah," she replied softly looking down both Angel and Spike could sense her discomfort.

"I'll get out of your way," he mumbled before quickly moving past them and disappearing into the crowd and Buffy let out a sigh guilt ridden. She couldn't help but feel bad; no matter what had happened between them he was still Angel and a part of her still cared and worried about him even though she knew things between them would never be the same again.

"Are you okay luv?" Spike asked laying a hand on her shoulder supportively.

"Really not," she replied looking up at him, "I can't keep doing this, running into him, it's not helping. It's making it that much worse, just when I think I'm coming to terms with everything I run into him, I see him hurt and sad and I feel guilty that I don't feel better about everything that happened, that I can't give him some semblances of peace by forgiving him," Buffy took a much needed deep breath before continuing, running a shaky hand through her hair.

"I can't have him in my life while I'm trying to heal, knowing I could bump into him at any moment. I have to talk to him," she said quickly turning to follow where Angel had fled.

"Wait what?" Spike all but screamed, grasping her arm and turning her to face him, "Talk to him? What the bloody hell for?"

"Please Spike I need you to trust me, I need to talk to him alone."

"Fine but I'm coming."

"What part of alone didn't you understand?" she asked with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Fine I'll wait in the garden while you go in to the mansion to talk to him, no doubt that's where he's gone."

"Fine," she replied smiling feel warmth flood through her. She loved Spike's protective nature even if it could be over bearing sometimes.

Buffy slowly made her way into the mansion. Spike was waiting in the garden as promised but Buffy was starting to wish she had let him come with her.

She was feeling nervous and unsure. She knew what she wanted to say to Angel, she just didn't know how to say it. She saw him then standing in front of the fire place, he must have heard her approaching because he abruptly turned to face her causing her to jump back slightly startled.

"Buffy, I didn't mean to scare you," he said taking a step forward.

"It's okay, I'm just jumpy," she smiled.

"Because of me," he all but whispered.

"Yes," she replied honestly, "I'm not going to lie to you, what happened that night has left me very on edge and I hate being this jumpy but it's happened and I can only do so much about it.

"I want to move past what happened that night, to one day be able to forgive you but I know as long as we are always bumping into each other that's never going to happen. What I'm asking is… I need you to leave Sunnydale; I can't heal while I keep running into you and more than anything, I need to heal," she explained seeing the hurt wash over his face.

"I'll leave tonight," he whispered.

"You don't have to run out of town, I know you'll need time to pack and…" she started but he quickly cut her off

"I've been thinking I should leave Sunnydale for a while, I just couldn't bring myself to leave things… unfinished."

"I need you to know that, I know in my head and my heart that if it had been you in that bathroom with me what happened never would have happened," Angel looked shocked but relived at her admission, "I know the difference between you and Angelus, I can draw a line."

"And Spike?" he asked, she laughed softly at this question.

"Spike is an anomaly, I can't explain him, he has no soul but he saved me that night, he was my sworn enemy, yet he protected Sunnydale and my friends when I couldn't, he has been there for me though everything, even with Drusilla a women he knew could never love him back. He was loyal, faithful and he loved her I have no doubt about that, he has even stopped feeding on humans," she admitted Angel was far beyond shocked.

"I don't know how to explain him maybe when he was sired he got to keep a part of himself, of his soul and that gave him power over his demon," she shook her head ,"I don't know how to explain it, guess I never will but I don't question it cause without him I would be dead.

"I should go," she said moving towards him placing a soft kiss on his check she turned to leave.

"Buffy?" she turned to face him, "Can you send Spike in for a moment?" she nodded at this.

"Goodbye Angel," she whispered moving outside, "Goodbye Buffy" he whispered touching the spot where she kissed him, she may have not forgiven him yet but she gave him hope that maybe one day she would.

"You wanted a word peaches," Angel was knocked from his thoughts at the sound of Spikes voice.

"I need you to do me a favor, I'm leaving Sunnydale tonight and I need you to keep her safe, watch out for her…"

"Always."

"Most importantly you can't let her give up on love," Spike's head shot up at this.

"What?" he asked thrown.

"What happened that night, she'll pull away, scared of being hurt, letting someone to close, of trusting someone. I want her to find love again not to run from it, to be happy even if it's not with me..." he whispered hurt lacing his voice, "and even if it's with another vampire," Angel continued looking Spike right in the eyes, Angel's hidden message clear.

"Oh look mate you got the wrong idea, me and the slayer are just friends…"

"Promise me Spike, please."

Spike sighed knowing that Angel was serious. "I promise," he whispered.

"Thank you."

Spike nodded before turning to leave, "Goodbye Liam."

Angel shook his head at this, "Goodbye William," Spike laughed softly before heading out into the night to join his golden goddess. Smiling brightly when he saw her waiting for him.


	7. Merry Christmas

_Chapter 7_

_Merry Christmas._

It was Christmas night and Buffy smiled as she though about the perfect day she'd had. It had started with opening presents with her mother, Spike had briefly joined them but only for a few moments, wishing them a Merry Christmas before he disappeared to his room. She'd showered quickly before enjoying a quiet breakfast together, ham and eggs with freshly squeezed orange juice. It wasn't long after that, that the gang had showed up.

Willow, Xander, Cordy, Oz and Giles had exchanged gifts before sitting down to a family lunch. Buffy had gone up stairs to beg Spike to join them but he had declined, saying Christmas was about family. She was surprised that he had said no, even after she insisted that he was family.

After he promised to join them later that night, Buffy had reluctantly given in and rejoined the group in the dining room.

After lunch Buffy and the gang had headed to the beach for the remaindering of the afternoon while Giles and Joyce enjoyed a cup of tea at home.

Now it was night time and Spike had left for patrol over an hour ago. She was more than tempted to go help him but he had said Christmas was no night for her to be out patrolling, she should be at home relaxing with her mom. She had only given in when he promised to make it a quick patrol.

Buffy was nervous, she still hadn't given Spike his present yet. She looked down at the small box in her hand with a small frown on her face, and hoped he'd like it.

That wasn't his only present.

No.

She couldn't help but smile. Tonight she planned on giving him the biggest present of all….

Her.

That's right, she was going to tell Spike exactly how she felt about him, how much it meant to her that he had been there for her and most of all how much she was in love with him. A part of her felt bad for moving on from her relationship with Angel but she knew it was the right thing to do.

Her relationship with Angel hadn't been the same since that night and while she knew what had happened wasn't his fault, she also knew that part of her life was over.

She could now offer him forgiveness and had in a letter she sent him for Christmas just two days ago. She still cared deeply for Angel but she was no longer in love with him.

Spike on the other hand was a different story. The things he had done for her and her friends and family had opened her eye's. He'd accomplished so much, all of it without a soul and had made her fall completely in love with him.

He was kind without a reason, good without a soul and she was pretty sure he felt the same way for her too… well at least she hoped.

Her mother had gone to bed about twenty minutes ago, saying she was beat. Buffy paced the lounge room, unable to sit still as her thoughts continuously drifted to Spike. It had been almost two hours now since he'd left.

bi_**Quick sweep my ass!**_/i/b She couldn't help but think. She was brought out of her musings by the object of her affections walking in the front door. He hung his duster on the coat rack and looked a little surprised to find Buffy still up.

"Can't sleep, luv?" he asked, walking into the lounge room and coming to stop in front of her.

"Haven't gone to bed yet." She shrugged.

"You weren't waiting up for my where you, pet?" he asked, smiling.

"Why do you think I asked you to make it a quick patrol?" she asked, annoyed.

"I'm sorry luv, but I ran into a group of vamps about ready to snack a group of carol singers. It took longer to deal with then I thought but hey, it was ten to one." he laughed.

She gasped in shock, ten to one? Was he out of his mind?

"What? Oh my god… are you okay?"

"I'm fine, luv. Can't say the same for the group of vamps though."

She let out a sigh of relief.

"But you barely have a mark on you."

"It's Christmas, luv. I wasn't going to let them hurt anyone, not fair for families to get a call on Christmas night saying a loved one has been killed… I was sure to make quick work of most of them, had to chase down a few that took off… hence being late." Her heart warmed at his words and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him but she held back for the time being.

"I got you something for Christmas," she smiled, handing him the small box.

"You didn't have to do that, pet." He smiled before moving past her and over to the Christmas tree. He bent down and reached behind it before turning to face her and handed her a small wrapped box.

"Merry Christmas, luv." he smiled, watching as she opened her present and let out a gasp in surprise. Inside the box was a gold locket with her name engraved on the front and a red ruby in the top right corner of the heart. With shaky hands she pulled the necklace out and went to put on.

"Let me, luv." he said, moving around behind her and slipping in on. "There." he whispered, she turned to face him.

"I love it." She smiled, forcing herself to hold back from leaning up to kiss his soft lips. "Open yours." He quickly ripped the paper away to show a blue velvet box, opening it he was shocked at what he saw inside. It was a silver chain which had a glass pendent hanging from in and inside the glass pendent was blood.

Her blood…. He knew, he could smell it.

"Buffy I…" he started but she quickly cut him off, taking the necklace from the box.

"It's my own strange little way of saying I trust you… completely" he smiled gently as she placed the necklace around his neck.

"How did you get this done, luv?"

"Jewellers in town put it together for me… after a few very strange looks." she laughed softly.

"I bet." he smiled, touching the little vile of blood that now hung from his neck, "Buffy luv this… this means the world to me, that you could trust me like this…I can't believe-" He whispered looking down. She tilted his chin up, forcing him to face her as she took a tentative step forward.

"Believe it, it's completely real." she whispered. bi'T_**his is it.'**_/i/b__she told herself, looking into his blue eyes. bi 'I_**t**__**'**__**s now or never.'**_/i/b Her heart was pounding in her ears and her palms were sweating as she gently pressed her lips against his, kissing him softly.

Spike couldn't believe what was happening, Buffy was kissing him…. Him… Spike, William the bloody and from the sounds she was making, she liked it to. He kissed her back with full force and wrapped an arm around her slender waist, pressing her against him firmly. He moaned at the feel of her tongue on his but when he felt her rubbing her hot mound against his jean covered erection, he snapped back to reality and stepping out of her grasp.

"Buffy…" he started but she cut him off.

"Don't you want me?" she almost sobbed, feeling her heart clench at how abruptly he had pulled away from her. Had she been wrong? Did he not feel the same way about her as she did for him?

"Buffy luv, of course I do but…" he started, sighing. Pacing the room, he ran a shaky hand through his hair before turning to face her again.

"When I kiss you, it's because I care about you… deeply and I know when you're kissing me it's about something different…" Buffy looked slightly confused at this as he went on. "What happened to you was horrible and I think that your trying to replace that memory with something else, anything else, to find away to numb the pain of what he did to you" she laughed softly at this.

"What's so funny, luv?" she looked up at him, smiling.

"You couldn't be any more wrong. I mean, yes that night was horrible, it was a nightmare and I would do anything to forget it but I can't. It will be with me forever no matter who I kiss or what I do… W-when I kiss you Spike it's because I love you." he looked thrown, his lips were moving but nothing was coming out.

"You don't need to say anything, I don't expect you to say it back but I needed you to know before I do this."

He wanted to say it back, god knows he felt it. He had never loved anyone more but he was so shocked that the words wouldn't seem to come.

"Do what?" He whispered so softly that she almost missed it. Buffy smiled before taking his hand and leading him up stairs and into her room. She closed the door behind them, being sure to lock it before she turned to face him.

Her hands were shaking nervously as she slowly undid her robe, slipping it from her shoulders and letting it pool to the floor.

Spike stood and looked at her in awe, the only thing she had on was the gold locket he had given her from Christmas.

"Make love to me Spike." she whispered shyly.

He didn't think, didn't pause, he stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her waist and around her neck and kissed her with everything he had inside him.

He kissed her how he felt for her.

Like a man in love.


	8. Birthday Wishes

_Chapter 8_

_Birthday wishes._

Their kiss did nothing but intensify, it had started out sweet and soft but quickly grew passionate and demanding. Buffy ran her hands up his shirt covered chest and slowly began undoing his buttons. She slipped her hands under his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, letting it pool to the floor.

Taking a moment to admire his chest, she couldn't believe her eyes. His skin was pale white and hard, his muscles defined and flexing under her touch. He was beautiful and he was all hers, even if he didn't love her. Spike walked backwards and fell onto the bed, Buffy landing ontop of him.

He ran his hands over her naked skin and couldn't help the smirk that rose on his face as she let out a breathy moan at his touch.

Her eyes rolled back at the feel of Spike's cold hands on her body, down her thighs and up her waist and hips to cup her breasts. She met his eyes as she ground her core against him, silently begging for more.

Spike growled and captured her lips in a sweet kiss before flipping Buffy onto her back

He sprayed hot kisses down her neck, suckling on a sweet spot behind her ear earning him a few short gasps and moans from the woman beneath him. Spike couldn't help but admire the beauty that lay before him. He watched her perk little breasts rise and fall as she took in gulps of air. She was a goddess.

b"H_is goddess. His beautiful slayer.__"_/b

He hovered over her, a lustful expression on his face as she started to fumble with his belt. He stood and slowly slipped off his boots before shedding himself of his jeans. Buffy let out a gasp when his now hard member jolted out, he smiled happy with her reaction. He took a moment to gaze at the lustrous woman that lay before him.

Her golden locks fell around her face in waves, her checks were flushed and her lips were red and swollen from their kisses. Spike's hungry eyes travelled down her body, her nipples were hard and perky, her stomach taught and flat. He almost groaned out loud upon seeing her cleanly shaven pussy that glistened with need, she was so wet for him already and they had barely touched each other.

He knelt before her and slipped two cold hands under her thighs, attempting to open her up to him, but with a shy smile, she closed them.

"Don't hide yourself from me, luv. You're beautiful, every part of you." His voice was husky and Buffy felt more moisture flood between her thighs.

Spike smirked, smelling her arousal. Heat flooded through Buffy like wild fire at his words, her scent driving Spike mad.

Spike felt Buffy relax beneath him and started to slowly part her legs, he felt himself getting harder at the sight of her glistening heat. Parting her moist folds with his fingers, he teased her clit, flicking a finger across it and then moving it to swirl around her opening. Buffy moaned in pleasure, arching her hips off of the bed, bringing herself closer to his face, begging to be touched more. She arched her hips again and Spike took the opportunity to flick his tongue across her clit.

"Oh god." Buffy moaned at the feel of his cold tongue on her hot centre. Spike smirked at her response and continued sucking and nipping at her tender flesh.

Buffy tossed her head back and forth in pleasure, it had never been this good, she didn't even know it could be this good. Spike lapped at her flesh like a man starved.

She couldn't help but look down at him, his blue eye were gazing at her hungrily as he sucked onto her clit. She had never seen anything so hot. Buffy could feel herself nearing her orgasm and fell over the edge when Spike thrust two long fingers into her hot centre.

"Oh god, Spike!" Buffy moaned, her muscles clamping down around his fingers.

Feeling Buffy's legs start to relax, Spike smirked and crawled his way up her body. He was taken by surprise when Buffy flipped them over so she was now straddling his hips, a wicked smile on her lips as she grinned down at him. He shuddered at the new sensation.

She looked so beautiful, green eyes shining in the moon light that poured into the room. Her long golden locks fell over her shoulders framing her face, her pert breasts bouncing with ever movement she made. Smiling wickedly one more time as she begun her descent down his body, leaving hot wet kisses in her wake.

She sprayed hot kisses down his neck, chest and hips before taking him into her mouth without warning. Spike let out a strangled moan at the feel of her hot little mouth wrapped around his cock. He glanced down and felt his eyes roll back at the sight before him. She was bobbing up and down, taking his cock deeper into her mouth every time. Spike felt like he was going to cum at any second and when her green eyes looked up at him he almost did.

Not being able to take much more of her teasing, Spike pulled her up his body and flipped them over so he was now nestled between her tanned thighs. He couldn't take it anymore; he needed to be inside her, needed to have her, posses her, claim her. He needed to have her be his and only his.

Buffy could feel the tip of his cock nudging against her wet entrance, begging to be let in. She met Spike's eyes and raised her hips in a silent welcome and gasped when he crushed his lips to hers before sliding into her heat.

They groaned at the feel of each other, Buffy could feel him stretching and filling every inch of her. She was so full, having Spike inside her felt like coming home. She was complete and whole when he was with her.

Spike felt like he was on fire. Buffy was so wet for him, so tight and as hot as hell. His thrusts were slow at first, allowing Buffy to meet him thrust for thrust as they moaned in pleasure.

"God, you're so tight." Spike groaned, fueling a fire that had started to burn inside of Buffy. She raked her nails down his back and gasped as his thrusting became faster.

It had never been this good, this intense. Spike felt his eye's roll back at the sensation. There was no other word to describe it other than incredible.

"Oh god! Feels so good…Don't stop." Buffy could feel her orgasm nearing and raised her hips, meeting Spike thrust for thrust.

"Harder…. Faster." She moaned making Spike groan. He felt Buffy's hand cup his bottom as she widened her legs, letting him slip in deeper.

Spike had tried to be gentle with her at first but it was clear gentle was not what she had in mind. She was practically growling at him when he didn't go harder, he chuckled inside _**biMy girl knows what she wants. Better not disappoint her./i/b **_

He started pounding into her with force, harder, faster and deeper than before. He wasn't going to last much longer. Buffy felt too good, so tight, so wet and as hot as hell, he was sure she could just about burn him alive.

He couldn't help but smile when he felt her inner walls flutter around him as her orgasm started to wash over her.

"Spike!"

Buffy gasped out, her walls clamping around him like a vice grip. With a few more thrusts he quickly fell over the edge with her, groaning her name in his release.

He looked down at the woman under him, she was smiling up at him, her checks flushed from their loving making. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, her hair was a tangled mess but she had never looked so beautiful. He touched her face softly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear and cupping her check.

"I love you." His confession shocked Buffy, a frown forming a few moments later.

"Spike, I don't want you saying it because of what happened…" she started but he quickly cut her off.

"No." He smiled and rolled off of her. "That's not why I said it, pet." He pulled her close and pulled the sheet up to cover them.

"I should have said it down stairs, hell I should have said it months ago. When I say I love you it's not because you said it first or because we just made love," he met her eyes. "I've loved you since we made that truce, maybe even before that." He leant down and kissed her softly before pulling back to look at her.

"I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. ... You're a hell of a woman. ... You're the one, Buffy." Buffy's vision was blurry with her tears by the time he finished speaking.

"You really love me?" she asked as he wiped the tears from her face lovingly.

"Till the end of the world." He whispered, leaning down to capture her lips in a sweet and passionate kiss.

"I love you," she whispered, pulling back to catch her breath.

"I love you too."

"Spike, it's my birthday in three weeks."

"I know, luv."

"Can I ask you for something?" she asked nervously.

"Anything."

"You promise?"

"Of course."

Buffy took a deep breath. There was only one thing she wanted off Spike and that was for him to be her's and only her's. She'd been doing a lot of reading about vampire lour and traditions and she knew what she wanted.

"On the night of my 18th birthday…. I want you to claim me." Her voice was loud and confident; she knew what she was asking. She knew what it would mean and she knew that it was what she wanted. Spike lay unmoving in shock, had he heard right? By the look on her face he had.

Claim her, make her is forever, no man or demon would dare to touch her. It wouldn't be just the man in him that would be protective over her but it would also be the demon. His demon already considered Buffy his mate and was extremely protective of her. If he claimed her now he feared that the demon would be harder to control around her and more than anything he feared hurting her.


	9. Helpless Part 1

_**I have used some lines from season 3 ep Helpless in this chapter, they are not mine i have only borrowed them for this chapter.**_

_Chapter 9_

_Helpless._

b**Three weeks later**/b

Spike felt dread wash through him. Something was wrong; he could feel it in every corner of his being. It was Buffy's 18th birthday and she had gone shopping with Willow to buy a dress for their dinner date.

Their dinner reservations were in an hour and she still wasn't home. Spike had tried calling Willow at home, but no one was answering.

Joyce watched him pace back and forth "Spike would you please stop pacing, I'm sure she's fine, she probably lose track of the time" She offered, trying to calm him.

He sighed, desperately wanting to believe that is all it was, but his gut told him something was deeply wrong. He was still focused on all the horrid things that might have happened, when Willow burst through the front door, red faced. She had a split lip and was gasping for air.

"Where's Buffy?" Joyce demanded

"They took her," she replied, sounding panicked.

"Who?" Spike asked, fear gripping him.

"I don't know, we were walking home when a white van pulled up beside us. Buffy tried to fight them but she was so weak, it was like she had no strength at all. They where human though, I scratched one, his skin was warm and his blood was red. I tried to stop them but they knocked me down and took Buffy"

"Did you see their faces?"

"No, they were wearing masks. Spike, she was so scared, she screamed." Willow sobbed.

Spike felt his throat tighten as he tried to force himself not to panic.

"Joyce, pack a bag. I'm taking you and Willow somewhere safe while I find Buffy."

Joyce nodded and ran up the stairs. Spike stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Willow.

She was crying softly and little shocked, but she welcomed the comfort."I tried to stop them, Spike, but they were too strong. Oh god." She whispered into his chest as he held her.

"It's going to be okay, Red. I promise, I'll find her." He patted her red hair hoping and praying that he could keep that promise.

Spike dropped Joyce and Willow off at his mate Clem's place. Clem was a demon Spike knew could handle himself in a fight if he had to, but could be trusted not to harm the ladies at all. He called Xander at home and arranged to meet him at the high school.

As they headed inside and moved towards to school library, Spike suddenly stopped just short of the door. He could hear talking, arguing, coming from inside.

"What's wrong?" Xander asked, only to be shushed by Spike

"They're fighting about Buffy." Spike whispered, moving closer to the door and trying to listen to the argument.

"The Cruciamentumis not easy …for slayer or watcher. But it's been done this way for a dozen centuries. Whenever a slayer turns eighteen. It's a time-honored rite of passage…" Spike listened carefully, he didn't recognize the voice, but he knew Gile's when he heard him.

Giles cut off the other man, clearly angry and distressed. "It's an antiquated exercise in cruelty. Locking her up in a place... weakened, defenseless... unleashing a monster on her" Spike heard Giles sigh deeply before continuing "If any one on the council still had actual contact with a slayer they'd see, but b**I'm/b** the one in the thick of it"

"Which is why you're not qualified to make this decision. You're too close"

"I'm not. No test is necessary of her… especially not one as... as perverse as this…. I'm appealing to you as a friend and colleague, Quentin. I know you can put a stop to it," Giles begged. bi_**Quentin, so the little weasel has a name" **_/i/b Spike thought

"I'm sorry. A slayer must be more than physical prowess. She must have cunning, imagination... a confidence derived from self-reliance. Believe me, once this is all over, your Buffy will be stronger for it."

"Or she'll be dead for it" Spike heard Giles mutter.

Spike almost busted through the doors right then and there but he needed to know for sure 100% that this was the reason Buffy was missing.

"Rupert, if this girl is everything you say, then you've nothing to worry about."

Giles had heard enough. "You will put a stop to this or I will simply tell Buffy everything and the test will be invalid"

"The test has already begun. Your slayer entered the field of play about ten minutes ago"

"What? How?" Giles asked, stunned

"I had my men pick her up and deliver her to the house"

Giles started to say something but was stopped by Spike and Xander bursting into the library. Spike said nothing and went straight for Quentin, grabbing the elder man by the neck and lifting him into the air.

"Where is she? Where's Buffy?" He yelled.

"I'll tell you nothing, vampire" Quentin chocked back.

"We'll see about that." Spike snarled, changing into his game face and throwing Quentin into the book stacks.

"Spike wait… I'll tell you everything" Giles said, stepping in his way.

"Make it quick, Watcher." Spike snapped. Shifting back into human form.

Giles went over to his office, located a box with a vial and a syringe and passed it to Spike. "It's an organic compound of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressors. The effect is temporary. She should be fine by tomorrow."

Spike looked at the box with a frown. "That's why she couldn't fight them, why they were able to overpower her so easily?"" "I didn't know they were going to take her like that."

"I don't understand. How did they get close enough to give her this… drug?"

Giles pointed to a blue crystal that sat on the table next to them. "A mesmerizing crystal. Stare at it for more than a few seconds and it puts one in a deep trance. While she was under, I…" he started.

Spike looked disgusted; he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Giles…" Xander whispered, shocked.

"You?" Spike asked in a stunned haze.

"It's a test, Spike, The Tento di Cruciamentum. It's given to slayers when they reach, if they reach, their eighteenth birthday" Giles paused for a reaction, but both Spike and Xander just stared at the syringe in Spike's hand.

"The Slayer is disabled then entrapped with a vampire foe whom she's to defeat in order to pass" Giles explained pacing "The vampire she is to face, his name is Zackary Kralik. As a human, he'd murdered, tortured, more than a dozen young women before being committed to a sanitarium for the criminally insane when a vamp…" Giles ducked when the blue crystal once on the table shattered against the wall next to his head.

"You stupid git! You knew, all this time, what they were planning, what she would have to face and you didn't say a word" Spike yelled at him. Xander stepped away from Spike seeing how close he was to snapping and not wanting to be in the line of fire.

"In matters of tradition and protocol, I have to answer to the Council"

Spike shook his head, turning away from the man he had once admired for his loyalty to Buffy.

"My role in this was specific, I was to administer the injections, then direct her to the old boarding house on Prescott Lane."

"I can't hear this" Spike whispered heading for the library doors

"Spike please…" Giles pleaded.

Spike turned to face him, hurt and betray written all over his face. "How could you do this to her? After everything Angelus put her through?" he hissed, sickened by everything he was hearing.

"I'm deeply sorry, to both you and Buffy, but you have to understand…"

"I can't ever understand any of this," Spike spat at him turning to leave again.

"Please listen to me" he begged.

Spike stopped, not turning to face him, but waiting for him to continue.

"We can still stop the test, save her… whatever I have to do, to deal with the council, Kralik… to win back yours and Buffy's trust…"

Spike turned to face him, before cutting him off. "You stuck a needle in her. You poisoned her" he hissed.

Cordy walked in a second later and everyone stopped talking. "What's going on?" she asked, feeling the tension in the room Xander moved over to her, putting an arm around her. "Cordy, sweetie, this isn't a good time"

"No it's a great time, Cordy. Can you go to this address, pick up Joyce and Willow, and take them home? Tell them I found Buffy and I'll bring her home soon." H handed her a little note with Clem's address on it.

"Sure"

"Xander, go with her."

"You sure? Don't get me wrong, I don't really wanna be in the line of fire but things here are a bit tense and, while I'm mad too, I don't really want Giles dead."

Spike smiled at the boy. "It's okay I promise not to kill anyone"

Xander nodded and lead confused Cordy out of the library.

Spike turned back to face Giles who looked so ashamed that he almost felt bad for him. "You want to make things right? Earn our trust back? You can start by gathering up all the weapons we'll need to take on this vamp and make it quick… we have a slayer to save" he ordered watching Giles nod before moving towards his office

Spike was mad, furious actually, but at the same time he knew Giles had felt conflicted about the council's orders and had decided to pull Buffy out of the test. He had gotten that much from hearing Giles' conversation with Quentin. He would give him some points, not many, but some.

Looking up at the stacks, he saw that Quentin was still knocked out from his assault. _**biGood/i/b, **_he thought. He deserved a hell of a lot more, back in the day, Spike knew he would have ripped his throat out, but not now. No, Spike knew his girl wouldn't like it. Sighing, he headed to the office to help gather up weapons. He had a girl to save.


	10. Helpless Part 2

_Chapter 10_

_Helpless part 2._

Buffy was running as fast as her legs would take her. She didn't know what was going on. She had be walking home from the mall with Willow, excited and giddy about her first official date with Spike. She couldn't have been happier; everyone knew about their relationship. While at first hesitant and unsure, they had quickly accepted it, giving them their blessing.

Buffy had looked down at the shopping bag in her hand that held a red dress Willow had helped her pick out for her date and in that moment Buffy had been taken by surprise when a white van had come to a scratching holt next to them.

Three men in camo gear and black balaclavas had rushed them, Buffy had tried to fight back but was quickly over powered. She didn't understand what was going on. When she had hit one in the face, it felt like her hand was breaking - causing her to scream. She had seen one of them back- hand Willow, sending her flying to the ground. before pushing Buffy into the van, placing a bag over her head and restraining he arms and legs.

After a short drive, The van came to a stop. The men removed the bag from her head, freed her arms and legs, then tossed her out of the van and into a rundown house. They swiftly dumped a bag at her side and locked the door behind her. Then they sped off into the distance before she could protest. Buffy got to her feet and surveyed her surroundings-some sort of rundown house. Her eyes fell on the bag that had been left behind and she approached it cautiously. She slowly opened it and saw everything a slayer would need- stakes, vials of holy water, crosses, a cross bow, an axe and more.

Buffy grabbed a few things she could carry and went in search of a way out. She had barely begun the search when she felt it - that familiar tingle of the back of her neck. b**VAMPIRE!**/b her mind had screamed.

She was suddenly attacked but luckily escaped her attacker's clutches. She knew if she didn't find a weakness, she wouldn't last much longer. As the vampire was going in for the kill, he suddenly stopped. She had watched, confused, as he screamed and grabbed his head. When she saw him pull a bottle of pills from his pocket, she knew she had found his weakness; and she intended to exploit it to its fullest.

Snatching the bottle of pills from his grasp, Buffy fled as quickly as she could. She jumped into a laundry chute, disappearing from the vampire's sight. Hitting the floor with a thud, she quickly got up looking around the room she prayed her plan would work.

Just as Buffy was finished preparing for the next attack, she heard a pounding on the door. She tried not to panic as the vampire smashed through the door and ran down the stairs towards her.

"Where are they? Where are they?!" he yelled as he advanced. Buffy struggled to try and run past him, only to be grabbed and pushed back into the wall behind her. The vampire snatched the bottle from her hand and opened it, walking over to a table with a glass of water on it. He swallowed a few of the pills and washed them down with the glass of water.

"You don't seem to understand your place in all of this. Do you have any idea..." he started, but , suddenly stopped, looking at her confused.

"Oh, my!" he whispered looking down at the glass in his hand "What have you..." he begun to shake uncontrollably as he looked back up at her.

"My pills!" he yelled.

Buffy couldn't help but smile slightly as she pulled the now empty bottle of holy water from her pocket for him to clearly see. Dropping the glass from his hand, he shook violently, grunting and groaning in pain.

"No. No..." he said, stunned that she had bested him. Buffy watched in satisfaction as smoke began to puff from his clothes, glad for her survival and that the nightmare was almost over.

"If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now," she said smiling.

"No! No!" he screamed loudly one last time before he crumbled to ashes from the inside out.

Buffy closed her eye and sighed in relief. Then she opened her eyes to look for a possible exit, when another vampire rushed at her.

It didn't get the chance to get to close to her, as Spike appeared and threw it against a wall and Giles plunged a stake into its unbeating heart.

Buffy sat in the school library staring in disbelief as Giles told her everything. It had all been a test, a sick and twisted test cooked up by the Watchers' Council. They had almost got her killed for some stupid test and Giles had helped them.

"Congratulations, you passed," said the man who had introduced himself as Quentin. "You exhibited extraordinary courage and clear headedness in battle. The Council is very pleased."

Buffy looked up at him, stunned.

"Do I get a gold star?" she replied sarcastically, clearly annoyed

"I understand that you're upset..." he started, but she quickly cut him off- unable to control her anger anymore.

"You understand b**nothing**/b. You drugged me, abducted me and locked me inside a house - weakened and defenseless against a crazed vampire. You could have got me killed…you almost did!" she yelled.

"You think the test was unfair?" asked Quentin.

"I think you better leave town before I get my strength back," Buffy threatened.

i That's my girl/i, Spike smirked.

Quentin seemed unfazed by her threat as he continued, "We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers, we're fighting a war."

"You're waging a war. She's fighting it. There is a difference." Giles snapped as he stepped forward.

"Mr. Giles, if you don't mind..."said Quentin.

"The test is done. We're finished." Giles snapped again

"Not quite. She passed. You didn't." Quentin replied, turning to face him. "The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired."

"On what grounds?" Giles asked , taken aback.

"Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment."

Buffy looked up at Giles clearly panicked.

" You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause. It would be best if you had no further contact with the Slayer," Quentin went on.

"I'm not going anywhere," Giles declared with hostility.

"No, well, I didn't expect you would adhere to that. However, if you interfere with the new Watcher, or countermand his authority in any way, you will be dealt with. Are we clear?" Quentin warned.

Buffy felt dread fill her. iA new watcher? Giles fired? /i She couldn't handle this, she couldn't let it happen.

"No, we are not clear at all," she snapped, pulling herself to her feet.

"I'm afraid you don't really have a say in this. You do as the council says. If you insist on fighting us, we'll arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day- never setting foot in this country again. Now perhaps you're used to idle threats and sloppy discipline, Miss Summers, but you're dealing with grownups now," Quentin informed her.

Pausing for a moment he looked up at her, "Am I making myself clear?"

"And you must be used to people jumping to your every command. iSpike/i…" Buffy signaled her vampire.

Spike was at Quentin's back before he knew it. Spike grabbed him by the neck and shoved him against the closest wall.

"Now let ime/i make myself very clear. You won't send a new watcher here. If you do, I'll simply quit the council. You're a Watcher; without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watching i _Masterpiece Theater_./i You can't stop any of these demons or apocalypses. The information you guys have from time to time that helps me, you can't do anything with it except maybe publish it in the b"**Everyone Thinks we're Insane-O's Home Journal,"**/b "she said moving towards him.

"So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know, when I need to know it. Then you're gonna go away. The only time you are to contact me is if and when you have any information I may need. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, and you will not send any one else here… You may be very good at your job. The only way we're gonna find out is if you work with me. And threatening to take Giles from me is b**never**/b a good idea," Buffy finished.

She tapped Spike on the shoulder and he slowly lowered Quentin before removing his hand from the man's neck.

"Do we have a deal?" she asked, extending her hand.

Quentin looked around skittishly, then quickly shook her hand before leaving. Giles looked up at her with pride as he moved closer to help Spike clean her wounds. As he reached out to touch her, Buffy flinched as if he had burned her. Hurt, he stepped back to give her some room as Spike places a patch of the gash on her forehead.

"How long will it last?" she asked.

Giles looked at her confused.

"The drug, Giles," she explained.

"Right, of course, well your last dose was yesterday evening…" he cringed slightly at the betrayed look on her face before continuing, "shortly, within an hour or so."

She nodded and took Spike's hand, to help her stand.

"I love you…" she began.

Giles looked up, stunned at her admission.

"Like a father. But what you did… you betrayed me," she finished.

"In all fairness, luv, he idid /ihelp me find you. He wasn't going to let the test happen," Spike interjected.

She nodded, understanding Spike wanting to smooth things out for them.

"That doesn't change the fact that at first you went along with it. You tricked me, you stuck a needle in me and it almost got me killed," she insisted.

"Buffy, whatever I have to do to win your trust back…" Giles pleaded.

"I know you'll do whatever you have to. But it's going to take time. While I do love you, I don't trust you and we are not okay," she whispered and turned to walk out.

She stopped for a moment and looked over at Giles.

"But I wouldn't have kept you here if I didn't think that one day we will be," she added with a soft smile before walking out of the library with Spike following her.

Giles smiled, hopeful she had given him a crumb, that he could win her trust back. All he had to do was prove his loyalty and he knew he would and could.


	11. Laying Claim

_Chapter 11_

_Laying claim._

The drive home had been made in silence. Buffy was slowly starting to feel better and could feel the drugs finally starting to leave her system as they got out of Spike's car. She watched as her mother, Willow and Xander ran out of the house, both wrapping their arms around her in a big group hug before pulling back.

"Oh sweetheart, are you okay?" Joyce asked, studying the patch of Buffy's forehead.

"I'm fine mom, just tired."

"Buffy, I'm so sorry!" Willow sighed. "They were just too strong."

"It's not your fault Will, I'm just sorry I couldn't protect you." Buffy frowned, touching the bruise that was now on Willow's check.

"It's not your fault… I can't believe Giles was involved."

"Sorry Buffy, I told them." Xander piped in.

"It's okay, yes he was involved but in the end he showed where his loyalties lie when he decided to tell me about the test," she met her friends eyes. "So while he isn't totally forgiven, he has made the first step."

"Well, I've called Andrew at the gallery and told him I won't be in tonight, so would you like me to make you some chicken soup?" Joyce asked.

"Mom," Buffy met her mothers determined face. "You have that huge show casing tomorrow night and Andrew can't do it all alone, you need to go and before you say anything, yes, I'm sure I'm going to have a hot shower and go to sleep."

"My brave girl." Joyce sighed, touching Buffy's face. "Okay but I'm only a phone call away if you need anything."

"Can you drive Willow and Xander home too please. I don't want them walking tonight, not with both Spike and I at home, it's not safe."

"Of course sweetie, you just get some rest." She smiled, kissing her daughter on the head.

"Bye Buffy." Both Willow and Xander said before following Joyce to the car.

"Come on luv, lets get you inside." Spike said, ushering her into the house and closing the front door behind them.

"I'm going to have a shower." She whispered almost meekly.

"Okay." He nodded, watching as she moved up the stairs and disappearing from sight before he let out a deep sigh. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. While Buffy was showing a brave front he could tell she was far from okay, she was clearly shaken, something was on her mind, he just wished she would tell him what.

He pushed the thoughts from his mind and moved up stairs into her room. Sifting through her drawers and pulling out some comfortable pajamas for her, he laid them on the bed before shedding his leather duster. He could still hear the water running in the bathroom and sat down on the bed waiting for her to return.

Ten minutes later he heard the shower turn off and the bathroom door open. When she stepped into the room, she didn't seem surprised to see him sitting there waiting for her. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her.

Long, wet blonde hair hung loose, clinging to her back and shoulders. She wore nothing but a fluffy pink towel that was tightly wrapped around her, he felt himself go hard and instantly felt ashamed of himself. bi_**"You git! She's been through hell and back tonight and all you can think about is shagging her!!!"**_/i/b His mind yelled at him. Clearing his throat and quickly standing, he moved around her and towards the door, desperately needing to put some distance between them.

"Um… I was just getting you some pajamas ready, they're on the bed, luv." He said nervously, walking quickly towards the door. The small hand grasping his arm stopped him.

"Wait… don't go. I-I want you to stay." she whispered, her eyes pleading him.

"Wasn't leaving, luv." He glanced down at her toweled state. "Was just going down stairs to give you some privacy… Can't leave remember, I live here." he smiled.

"No, I meant don't leave the room," she met his eyes. "Stay here with me." She whispered, taking a few steps closer to reach around his body and push the door shut.

"Buffy, luv…"

"It's still my birthday and I believe you still haven't given me my present yet."

"Actually pet, I did this morning remember?" He smiled, pointing at the gold chain bracelet that was clasped around her wrist.

"Don't play dumb, Spike… you know what I want."

"Kitten your're tired, been on the run all night fighting a crazed vamp. You've been weakened and me claiming you would be dangerous." He explained, cupping her check lovingly.

"Is that the only reason?" she whispered, hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"Is it because of the drug? Me being weak? Is that the only reason you won't claim me tonight?"

"Luv, I would make you mine in a second if that's what you want. I love you and there is no one else for me in this universe of that I'm sure but I won't put you at risk either…The drugs have weakened you, made you like a normal human, maybe even weaker and when a vampire claims someone…" sighing, he tried to find the best words to describe it.

"I would have to feed from you," he met her eyes trying to make her understand. "You would need to be able to bite me and with how weak the drugs have made you, feeding off you could be dangerous." She nodded in understanding.

"So your're 100% sure that once I'm back to full strength you'll want to claim me?"

"Yes, luv." Spike smiled bringing her in close for a hug. "A million times yes." Spike couldn't see it but he could feel her smile into his shoulder.

"Well, we should get started then."

"Buffy I just explained…" He started but was abruptly cut off when she grabbed him by his shirt, lifting him into the air effortlessly and tossing him across the room and onto her bed. With a grin she let her towel drop to the floor and stalked across the bedroom to a stunned and clearly aroused Spike. She grawled up onto the bed and slid her way up until she was straddling him.

"You were saying?" She smiled cheekily.

"Little minx." He growled before smashing his lips onto her's. The kiss was demanding and strong, full of passion, intensity and love. Not taking the time to undo his buttons she ripped his shirt open, tearing it from his body. He was stunned by her actions, she had never been so forceful with him before.

Buffy was relishing in it, loving the feel of her strength coursing through her again. She couldn't help to admit that she had missed this, missed having the power and strength.

Moving down his body, she undid his belt and pants before pulling them down his body. She was thankful that he had removed his boots at some point. Crawling back up his naked form, she hissed when he sucked a perk nipple into his mouth, twirling it around skillfully.

She felt his hand move south and let out a gasp as he brushed over her cleanly shaven pussy and across her sensitive clit making her hips jump. She couldn't wait, no time for foreplay. She simply needed to feel him with her, in her and all around her. She had come so close to death tonight, to losing him forever and the thought brought tears to her eyes. Spike saw the change in her attitude and stopped his wandering hands.

"Luv, what's wrong?" He brushed a hand across her checks and turned her head towards him. The moment his eyes met her tearful ones he started worrying. "Luv, please talk to me." He begged, pulling himself up into a sitting position, Buffy still in his lap.

"I'm sorry," she brushed the tears from her eyes. "It's stupid," she whispered.

"If it's upsetting you then it's not stupid, is it about me claiming you? Because if you've changed your mind…"

"No!" Her eyes widened, shaking her head. "No I want this more than anything." She sniffled, wiping her tears. "It's just… I almost lost you tonight." Her hands sought out his and she gripped them tight. "I didn't think I was going to get out of that house alive and all I could think was how much I wanted to see you just one last time." She whispered, letting her tears fall.

"You will never loss me, luv." Spike kissed her. "Not even in death. I would follow you to hell and back if it meant being with you forever, that's how much I love you." Buffy nodded as she wiped her tears away.

"I love you too." She whispered, kissing him hard and passionately. "I need you." She moaned a few minutes later into his ear before pushing him back down onto his back. Spike didn't hesitate, he positioned himself at her entrance and grasped her hips, pulling her down onto his length.

Buffy let out a gasp and flung her head back in pleasure. Spikes eyes rolled back at the feel of her incasing him in her warmth and stilled her hips.

Moving up and down slowly at first, he let Buffy control the pace. He met her eyes and smiled. They had always been amazing together, he slid his hands from her hips and up her body to cup her breasts, flicking her swolen peaks.

She could feel her orgasm nearing, burning deep in her belly.

"Please," she whimpered, meeting his eyes.

Spike knew that look and without breaking their rhythm, flipped their positions. He slipped into game face when she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in close. He met her eyes, and the demon in him growled when she slipped her hand around his head and brought his face down to her neck. Spike sped up his thrusts, loving the sounds she was making as he kissed and sucked on the pulse point on her neck.

Buffy readied herself for the pain bliding pain, remembering when the master had bitten her but it never came. When she felt his fangs slip into her neck and the first pull of her blood flow into his mouth she gasped. It was like door after door slammed open, intense pleasure coursed through her causing her to gasp in shock.

"Oh god, Spike!" She gasped, her legs keeping him locked in as her hands scraped down his back, leaving red marks. His demon growled in pleasure, loving the feel of his mates skin against his.

"Mine." She heard him growl possessively against her neck as he retracted his fangs, licking the wound closed.

"Yes!" Buffy gasped, her hands sliding up and down his back. "Yours, only yours." She knew what she had to do next and wasted no time before slipping her blunt human teeth into his neck. As soon as the first drop of his blood entered her mouth it was like she had finally found home. She felt him, not only in and around her in the physical sense but she could feel him. Like he was a part of her being.

His pace quickened and she removed her teeth, kissing his neck before letting out a scream as he kissed his mark, making her come undone.

"Mine." She moaned, riding out the end of her climax.

"I'm yours luv, only bloody yours." He moaned, filling her with his seed before collapsing in a sweaty heap next to her. They happily lay in each other arms, side by side, cuddling each other.

"I love you, Spike." She met his eyes and kissed his lips sweetly. "All of you."

"I love you too pet, so bloody much." He caught her lips and prepped her with kisses before laying back. They both feel into a dreamless and peaceful sleep, close and happy in each other's arms.


	12. By your side

i_Chapter 12_/i

i_By Your Side_/i

b**Five years later**/b

Buffy couldn't believe it, looking at the gaping hole that was once Sunnydale she felt her heart constrict, tears burning her eyes as she realized that he was gone. After everything they had been through she had lost him. She wanted to believe that is wasn't true, that he was still alive some where there among the rubble but she couldn't denie the empty feeling she felt, lifting her hand she touched the scar from the night Spike had claimed her, the once warm, tingly feeling was gone now replaced by numbness. Sobs tore through her body as she thought about all they had been through together.

He had been by her side every step of the way, through demons, apocalypses and just your typical bad day. He had always been there for her no matter what fight they had or what stupid thing one had said to the other in the heat of the moment.

After the council had left all those years ago life had gone back to normal. Giles had stayed on as her watcher and Quinton had kept to his part of the deal, only contacting them when they had information they thought she may need. No new watcher had been sent and although it had taken time, Giles had earned back her trust and affection.

The worst phone call from the council had been a month after her 18th birthday. Giles had called her to the library saying he had bad news. Sitting her down he told her that Kendra, a vampire slayer that had helped Buffy out the year before, was dead, killed in New York by a pack of vampires on a nightly patrol.

Buffy couldn't believe it; she knew that their job had risks and chances where they would die young but Kendra was only seventeen years old, younger then Buffy. She had cried for her, feeling her heart break for the young girl and Giles had been there to comfort her, putting a start to earning Buffy's trust back.

Not long after Faith had arrived, the slayer who replaced Kendra. It turned out Faith's watcher had been killed by a vampire and Faith was on the run. Buffy had helped her, saving her life and helping to kill the vampire who had killed her watcher. Giles had become both Faith and Buffy's watcher, but there was always something about Faith that made Buffy on edge. It wasn't just the fact that the slayer was always hitting on Spike, although that's what the gang had thought at first.

Shortly after they had discovered the mayor was evil and hell bent on destroying the world, starting with Sunnydale. So when the mayor's assistant had showed up dead Buffy found her interest piqued. Buffy and Spike had investigated together in secret and everything led back to Faith, but when they tried to confront her Faith had panicked and tried to frame Buffy before attempting to skip town.

Buffy had been able to stop her, but it seemed Buffy was too late in trying to save Faith from herself. Buffy suspected that Faith was working with the mayor so one night Buffy and Spike enlisted Giles help in order to trick her into confessing, with the help of a demon who owed Giles a favor. One fancy light show later Faith believed Spike was 100% evil and on her side.

After spilling her guts about being in league with the mayor and his plan, Buffy and Spike revealed that her little spell had not worked. After that Faith disappeared until a few months later when she had attempted to shoot Spike with a poisoned arrow, but thanks to Spike's vampire hearing he had heard the shot fired. Turning fast he caught the arrow just meters from his chest. That had forced Buffy to act. Confronting Faith in her apartment, they fought before Buffy stabbed Faith putting her into a coma.

Only days later Buffy defeated the mayor, luring him into the school using the knife she had used to stab Faith before blowing both him and the high school up. After that they had enjoyed a well deserved couple of months off before Buffy and Spike moved into their own place near Sunnydale University campus.

Things had been mostly quiet. The occasional big bad they did have never did last long though. Faith had woken up from her coma and hijacked Buffy's body, but Spike quickly realized that Buffy was "not herself" and he and Giles investigated, figuring out what had happened. With the help of Willow and new comer Tara they forced Faith out of Buffy's body and back into her own. Faith quickly fled to L.A effectively becoming Angel's problem.

Then Buffy had discovered a military operation called the Initiative being operated on campus. At first it seemed fine. They where stopping demons. It was when Buffy discovered they where experimenting on them that she realized things where not okay.

Going undercover she got close to one Riley Finn. She felt bad, of course, for leading him to think he stood a chance with her, but he was her way in. She knew he had a little crush on her and she hoped it would get her into the Initiative and it had. It was shortly after that Maggie Walsh the head of the organization tried to have her killed. She failed, of course. Buffy, Spike and the gang had to go into hiding. Buffy soon discovered she was asking too many questions and getting too close to the truth.

Adam, Maggie Walsh's little demon experiment, who was once a man, was now a soldier turned mutant super solider pieced together using demon parts. With the help of the gang Buffy and Spike had destroyed Adam and forced the Initiative out of Sunnydale.

Things had once again gone quiet until six months later when Buffy discovered that Dawn, her little sister, wasn't her sister at all but a mystical key sent to Buffy and Spike to protect from Glory, a hell god. Both Buffy and Spike found themselves in uncharted territory when every encounter Glory beat them off without even breaking a sweat. So once they got all the information they could off the council it was clear that they only had a few options.

1. Kill Dawn

2. Let Buffy sacrifice herself in order to close the portal (if Glory got the portal open) and save Dawn and the world, or

3. Kill Glory's human host Ben

They had struggled with what to do but Spike refused to let Buffy sacrifice herself and Buffy refused to let Dawn die. That left them with option three, but Buffy couldn't bring herself to do it and she knew that it would cost either her or Dawn their life.

While discussing options and battle plans one night Buffy realized that Giles and Spike were running far too late to the meeting, but by the time Buffy realized what they where up to it was too late. She had arrived at the hospital where Ben worked and she saw Spike and Giles parked near Ben's car. Seeing them step out Buffy was going to approach them, but something stopped her, hearing them speak.

"Spike if you can't do this I'll understand and I'll do it myself." Giles spoke looking to see Ben walking out of the hospital and heading for his car.

"Can't let you do that watcher, won't let you have the blood on your hands. I just hope she can understand why I had to do this… I just hope she can forgive me," Spike whispered looking down; Giles touched his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"She will," he whispered, nodding in the direction of Ben who was almost to his car. Splitting up but heading towards him Buffy knew what was going to happen and knew she should stop it but her feet just wouldn't move. So she stood there watching Giles come face to face with a startled Ben.

"Sorry didn't mean to startle you," Giles spoke.

"That's okay. Can I help you with something?" Ben smiled.

"We just want you to know this isn't personal. We wish it didn't have to be this way, that we didn't have to do this but we have no choice. We simply can't let her kill either of them," Giles quietly explained to the confused boy.

"Her? Her who?" he asked confused.

Stepping up behind the boy quietly, Spike replied before Giles could. "Glory."

He turned around, stunned, and begun to stutter. "H… how do y… you know…" but Spike quickly cut him off.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before snapping the boy's neck. It was so quick that if Buffy hadn't heard the loud snap she wouldn't have been completely sure he had done it. Shocked she had forgotten just how fast and strong Spike really was. Watching Ben's lifeless body slump to the ground she felt saddened but at the same time relieved knowing that her family was safe.

She felt guilt over her relief. She knew that someone was going to have to die no matter what and she knew she couldn't let it be Dawn and God knows she didn't want to die. She loved her life, surrounded by friends and family that loved her and whom she loved in return. Then there was Spike, the love of her life, but she knew if she had to choose between herself and Dawn, she would give her life for her sister in a heartbeat.

She watched Spike fall to his knees the reality of what he had just done becoming too much to bear. It had been over five years since he had taken a human life and while he had killed Ben to save his family he clearly felt grief and guilt over it. She watched as Giles tried to comfort the distressed vampire. Revealing her position from behind the shrubs she moved towards them, dropping to her knees and hugging Spike to her tight as he cried, telling him everything would be okay and that she loved him.

It had taken Spike a while to let go of what he had done, but eventually he was able to move on even though Buffy knew a part of him would never forget the life he had taken. He just wasn't the monster he once had been, she wondered if he ever truly was.

For over a year things had been quiet aside from a small run in with three wanna be villains who called themselves "The Trio," but after Spike and Xander discovered their hidden cameras they had paid the trio a visit. After that Buffy never saw the three boys again.

Then there was the first they had waged war not just on Buffy but the whole slayer line wiping out potential slayers and their watchers, blowing up the council, and killing girls off one by one and here is where it had ended. They had gone into the hell mouth and Spike had given his life to save them all.

He had kissed her, told her he loved her and then made Giles, Xander and Faith drag her from the hell mouth screaming in protest. Spike burned up until there was nothing left, taking the hell mouth and Sunnydale with him. Buffy scurried through the pit she had to find it, maybe there was hope if she could just find it, lifting rocks, wood and broken glass she dug determined. The gang watched trying to get her out but she refused.

Hours had passed but still she looked. All that remained now was Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, Faith and Dawn. They all helped her, helped in what they thought was vain. That amulet would be buried deep in the hell mouth. They would never find it or so they thought until Buffy started wailing that she had found it.

Dropping to her knees exhausted she clutched the amulet waiting, hoping, praying that something would happen that he would magically appear but nothing happened. Giving in, silent sobs tore through her body making her shake. Giles kneeled beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Buffy," he whispered, pulling away from him she stood to her feet determinedly.

"No! Don't say that, if you say you're sorry that means you think he's gone and he can't be," she babbled pacing through the rubble. Standing to look at her he sighed.

"Buffy he is gone, there's nothing left."

"You're wrong. We have the amulet. Maybe there's a spell or something we could use to bring him back."

"Buffy…" Willow whispered stepping forward, putting her hand up to stop her.

"Will please don't. I can't hear that there's nothing we can do. I just can't… he's my everything. I love him. He's been with me through so much. I can't lose him. I can't lose hope… do you know that it will be our six year anniversary at the end of this year?" Buffy cried.

"I know but Buffy… he's gone." Willow sniffled wiping some tears away from her own face.

"How do I go on without him Will? I don't know how to… I know I don't want to live without him. I can't and I won't." It became clear then what Buffy was saying.

"Buffy," Willow gasped stunned that Buffy would even consider taking her own life.

"I'm sorry Will but I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I know that it may sound weak but I just don't. I can't… I need him, I love him," she whispered crying harder.

"Buffy…" Willow spoke. Stepping back Buffy looked up at her seeing the confusion and fear in her eyes. For a moment she thought maybe a Turok-Han had made it out of the pit but when she felt a slight burn on the palm of her hand she looked down seeing the amulet glow. She dropped it, too hot to hold any longer. Stepping back she gasped as a cloud of dust and light poured out of it swirling until it took the form of a screaming Spike. Gasping for air, he looked up seeing a tear stricken Buffy.

"Weren't going to leave without me were you?" he smiled at her. She stood shocked, not just that he was back but that he was standing in the sunlight and wasn't burning up.

"Spike," she whispered before throwing herself into his welcoming arms. "Oh my god… I thought I lost you forever," she cried.

"Not this time love. Looks like you're stuck with me for a while."

"I can live with that." She smiled.

"My god luv your hands" Spike gasped looking at her cut and bleeding hands.

"I had to find you" she whispered pulling her to his chest he held her tight "I'll always find you" she whispered into his shirt, he smiled feeling so lucky to have her, to have her love. That's when she heard it, the unmistakable sound of his heart beating, pulling back she gasped.

"Yeah, you heard right," he smiled.

"But how?"

"Seems I proved myself to the powers that be, it's my reward, or our reward as they put it. All the good we have done, the evil we have stopped and when I gave my life to save the world that just sort of sealed the deal."

"You're human?"

"Well partly, they called me a day walker. Still got all my vampire strengths speed, hearing, etc. but I don't have to drink blood anymore, I'll age like you, holly water and crosses can't hurt me." He demonstrated by touching the cross that hung from her neck.

"I can have a family now and best of all I can walk in the daylight."

"Wait, we can have a family?"

"Well, I am mortal."

She smiled kissing him passionately and when she pulled back she was still smiling. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he smiled. "And now that I'm human there is one thing I want more than anything."

"And what's that?" she smiled.

"For you to marry me Buffy."

"What?" she asked stunned.

"When I was a vampire I claimed you but I'm human now and I want the world to know you are mine and I'm yours so…" He started dropping to one knee; taking her hand he removed an eternity ring he gave her a year ago. Smiling he continued, "Buffy Anne Summers, will you marry me?"

"Of course I'll marry you." She smiled as he placed the ring on her finger. Standing he kissed her passionately as the others stood there in awe, happy for the couple and relieved to have Spike back.

Piling into the car Giles had rented from the next town, Buffy rested in the back seat with Spike, laying her head to his chest she smiled contentedly listening to the blissful sound of his heartbeat. She rested, happy and excited to start a new chapter in their lives. The hell mouth was gone, the first defeated, they could go anywhere, do anything but Buffy didn't care where they went because as long as she had Spike by her side she knew everything would be okay.

The End.


End file.
